Heres an update- Shes always saying how im not romantic anymore (even though I try but she wont go along with it - I.e. dinners, excursions, etc. Shes always too tired or doesnt feel like it or says just go alone) So for Christmas this year I booked us a trip to a romantic little B&B in San Antonio for New Years weekend. I even sprung for the anniverssary cottage. http://www.columnssanantonio.com/cottage/ I came home Friday from work and shes was crying and talking on the phone with her friend and I overheard her say that she didnt even want to go on this trip because shed just feel pressured for sex and feel obligated and all that. I was more than hurt that I went to all this trouble and tried to be romantic and she didnt even see it as that. We had a little spat on Friday night because she was overcritical of everything I said or did and I just got tired of hearing it. I didnt answer her question right, I didnt say this right, why didnt I do that - blah blah. So we got up on Saturday and I started packing and so did she. We left and barely spoke the whole way there. Granted she wasnt feeling well, shes been really conjested and has had headaches for about a week straight. So we get there and shes so negative and crabby and short. We get to the room and shes negative about that and crticizing everything. We end up fighting that evening because I started getting snappy back, and she plays the sick card. Says I should be more understanding because shes sick. I say I am really sorry that you are sick and dont feel well. Im trying to find a drugstore as best as I can but you dont have to be so shitty to me. So she snaps back with 'I cant wait till youre sick so I can be ugly to you' I said im not trying to be ugly, but youve been short with me all day and im trying to help but snapping at me and criticizing me isnt helping anyhting. She just got more mad and I said look, we fought on our wedding night, we fought on our honeymoon, we fight on every trip we go on, lets just forget it and go home. She told me to go away that she didnt want to be around someone so negative and she just wanted to go back to the hotel. So I walked away - 8 blocks away. She called me on the cellphone but I didnt hear it, so naturally when she finally found me she was ugly that I didnt answer the phone and she thought I was ignoring her. Anyways, long story short, we got along better the rest of the weekend. She showered and dressed in the bathroom with the door closed all weeeknd, shes been doing that for months. I didnt even try to initiate sex. We watched the firewokrs from the balcony of the B&B. Went to the riverwalk a few times and got along slightly better but there was always this underlying tension. On tyhe way home I tried to talk to her about it but of course she got defensive and ugly and wouldnt talk. So I said that why is it that every time I try and talk about us you get mad, shut down, or get ugly? Im just trying to talk and figure out why things are this way and come to some solution. She just said that she doest feel safe talking to me because everything she says I get mad about or I tell her shes stupid. I dont tell her shes stupid though. I just dont understand how she can think the way she does. If I come back with 'how could you think that?' then she takes it as me calling her stupid. I told her that I feel like im trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. That no matter what I try she still isnt going to believe that I want to be with her that I love her and everything. She said I need to quit thinking of myself so much and my needs and wants and think about hers. Which honestly, boggels my freaking mind! Its ALL about her. What she needs to get turned on, she wants a foot rub, she needs to be taken out to dinner, she needs to be romanced , she needs to feel secure, she needs this or that or why dont I do this anmore or that anymore or if I just said ___. This has gotten way too long and probably doesnt make much sense. To answer the question though, im staying because - 1. Its hard for me to meet quality women that I want to have a relationship with. 2. Ive already invested so much. 3. I miss the old days and I have the hope that they will come back. 4. We started out so great and were so into each other that I hate to admit it wont come back. 5. Maybe im being too oversensative and all marriages go through this at one point. 6. Maybe shes right in some ways that I havent given her what she needs to feel secure and attached in the relationship. But its hard when I feel like ive had to emotionally distance myself because of the insensative things shes said to me. 7. I feel a sense of responsibility because were married to try and make this work. 8. This is my second marriage and I dont want to be twice divorced. 9. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of the marriage. 10. Maybe she is showing me love in the only way she knows how and Im showing her in the only way I know how and its just a mismatch that we can overcome.
