I think Mark is an excellent guide. Listen to his good words. He's playing this according to the textbook.
I'll make some oberservation from my own experience, but I'll offer you little advice.
The two hardest things you will find to do are:
1. Detatching. Not being a hostage to this situation. Not over-analyzing or getting obssessed by it. Fear and Anger are your greatest enemies. Fear is crippling and unattractive, Anger makes you do stupid things.
2. Getting a life. Being happy, fulfilled independent of your husband. For many of us it's a wake up call to live out our call to adventure. At this point it seems natural to try and "manage" the situation and "make your husband happy". You can only control yourself. This is very hard.
Regarding the affair. It's mostly fueled by endorphins, dopamine and adrenaline. It can last 6-18 mos.
Regarding you husband. He's going to do two things:
1. Re-write the marital history. Everything will seem black in his eyes. He needs to do this to justify the affair.
2. Pour venom on you. He needs to be cruel to you. It's a psychological trick called blaming the victim, which allows the abuser to rationalize their awful behavior. By treating you with contempt he's trying to make you our to be contemptible.
Hopefully, this is not who your husband really is. He's been kidnapped and replaced by an alien.
Karen...there are no guarantees in this.
Statistically, affairs don't last. Statistically, marriages that are the result of an affair don't last.
