Since I have been reading NMMNG, I can see where I have used covert contracts for getting sex. But for women that have arrousal and desire problems, how can you avoid covert contracts? Everything I have ever done to arrouse my wife is basically a covert contract.
Corri Stop thinking of your wife as a woman with an arousal/desire problem. Cemar, I take that to mean thinking she has problems will only make the problems worse in your mind, your W picks up on your feelings, which her have more problems.
Also it is the same thing as is in the "Dog Whisper" programs.
People rescue an abused dog. Treat it as an abused dog. Reward or cater to its bad habits, blaming those bad habits on the abuse, and actually reinforcing the bad habit.
The dog owners that change the abused dog's bad habits ignore the reactions of the bad habits and act like the bad habit is temporary/limited and do what is considered normal behavior and reward the good behavior by being in control and expecting the dog to do what is asked.
One thing the dog owner has to think is, HE owns the time with the dog. He is in control. "A" "B" & "C" (all good things)are going to happen.
I know people and dogs are different. I am not suggesting you think of your W in dog terms, but if you can watch the program on National Geographic for several month to get the idea of leadership or what Cesar calls being the pack leader.
The way I hear Corri is, if you think your W has an arousal/desire problem, she will always have an arousal/desire problem.
What the Dog Whisper is telling people, don't focus on the problem, focus on a method and a goal to a better behavior/outcome.
The way I hear Corri is, if you think your W has an arousal/desire problem, she will always have an arousal/desire problem.
Add to the end of the sentence "in your (Cemar's) eyes."
Cemar, HD's sexual moratorium allowed him to shelve EVERYTHING about his sexual relationship with his wife, including her "arousal/desire problem." This provided the break he needed to shed his old behavior/thinking patterns that were not working for him, and come back to the R from a different perspective.
Cemar, you are clinging desperately to your image of your wife. It is like a big, dark cloud blocking out the sun in your life. It is holding you hostage. And as long as you continue to cling to all your negativity, you will never see any improvement in your sex life, because you are not open to that possibility.
Now, I don't expect that this will make any impression on you at all, but I wrote it out anyway.
