Do they REALLY know what they want?

[mako_man]

I am certainly no expert and I have heard all the same things from my stbx, all of it and more. We are seperated 7 months now and all of my friends and family have given me similar advice. The most important thing I have learned is that THEY are going to do what THEY are going to do, you ABSOLUTELY cannot force them and its so true that trying to force anything even if your intentions are pure only pushes them away. My therapist told me something interesting, he said some people and my wife in general doesnt want for me to be there for her, she wants to see that I cannot accept her behavior, she wants to be punished. in some weird way THIS validates my love for her, if she sees me begging or being there whenever she needs me she loses a measure of respect and feels that I dont really LOVE her but I just NEED her. It does not sound logical, but remember, logic is out of the window. You are not only being used, but you are actually reducing your chances of an R, guaranteed. You have to get yourself to a point where you truly WANT her and dont NEED her, and she the same, its at this point things will turn around.