back on the spew wagon last night. I am so clueless as to how hard it is for her. Listened and tried to validate -- wanted to say, wel this is the bed you are making for yourself...
W is having a hard time finding daycare a few days a week as she starts her new job. She is stressed - rightfully so - and of course I am the one as always who receives the brunt. Oh well, nothing much to do about that.
Our Jan 1 deadline of separation agreement has passed without comment from W (or from me). I called kids early thinking W woudl not be home, but she was. Cordial enough, even afer the rough treatment last night whle I was trying to listen, validate, and brainstorm daycare options with her. She had C session this morning, and I didn't ask about it - I never do.
I was no contact yesterday and she called after work saying S was crying to talk to me. he sounded fine on the phone, buit today he also started saying he wants to come to my house. Wouldn't you think that would really be hard to take? I know they are not being rational, but still...
I hope so. I truly do not want her to try to reconcile just because of the kids, but I want to make sure she has all the information to process through before she makes a "grass-is-greener" decision.
Just kind of rambling. Not much change. Last night youngest S was very sad on phone. I asked him what was wrong. He said that he and mommy have been crying a lot lately. Now he is 3 so you can't always rely on what he says. And who knows why she is crying (if she even is) anyway?
I have been doing a good job of not texting. W texted the other night to tell me what they are doing and that they would call later than normal.
I am going to visit for a couple of days in a few weeks. I am excited and nervous at the same time.
I have felt much better about myself the last few days. A coworker and I have been flirting a bit -- harmless, she is married and I of course want to save my M and would NEVER want to me an OM... but it feels good anyway.
I heard this song last night and this verse reminded me of W...
Does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight? Basking in your victory, Hollow and alone While you boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen. While you're left with nothing tangible to gain.
