She will not hate you. She is being a teenager. That's what they do. If you need to do it, do it, she WILL get over it, and sooner than you think. But, if you pull her out, you have to mean it. No waffling, no backtracking. There can't be any glimmer of "if I make mom mad, she'll send me back to dad." I'm sure it will be hell for a couple weeks, maybe a month, but in the end, I have become convinced kids that age really want boundaries. Just set them with love, and make sure you give he enough slack to grow up. You'll both figure it out.
As far as H, well, he's made his bed, it's time to either lie in it, or get out of it. What's the worst thing that can happen? He hates you, and your marriage isn't restored? But if you don't stand up now, can your marriage be restored, ever? While the alcohol is there, that's not happening. So, one way, he fights the demon, wins, realized you helped him get there, and you have a chance. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. The other way he continues to wallow, and there is no way you have a chance, and he probably never gets any kind of life back. He's in a bad spot now, between the injuries, lack of work, and depression. He might hate you now, but if he gets out of it he will know who to thank.
Well, there's my two cents. Never expected to be whacking AmyC with a 2x4, in my whole entire lifetime. Hope I never do it again, too!
