Finally detaching after 15 months of hell

[fooled again]

drz,

I honestly enjoyed reading your post today - you are very good at putting into words what many of us live every day. I too have taken this New Year's Day to choose to detach. I have lived my own hell for the past 17 months, an affair that just wouldn't go away, and even today I wonder... So many similarities: high school sweethearts, soul-mates, a beautiful daughter, oblivious to what was going wrong in my marriage. As you said, your story is typical.

The only thing we can really control is ourselves and we are each responsible for our own happiness. My own motto is, in fact, Nietzsche's quote, and I'm not dead yet!

Detaching simply allows us to give ourselves permission to put ourselves first, to take care of ourselves, to makes ourselves happy without feeling we are taking something away from our spouses. This is a very difficult task when you love someone so much, when that someone has come to, at least in part, define who you have become. Do not be alarmed by your attraction to other women - let that feeling remind you that you are a man who is worthy of love, affection, respect, not some stray dog to be ignored and thrown scraps to.

I wish you success in your detaching, and may you discover how truly wonderful you are in the process. Your wife may find this out for herself in the end.

fooled again