Just bought a 1 way non-refundable ticket to Dtown

[fooled again]

Hurtin,

I'm so happy for you - bet you want someone to pinch you.

I would suggest that you go very, very slowly. My H said the same thing to me after seeing that I was ready to walk away from our M. I had previously spent the past 1.5 yrs trying to recover from his A, that I thought was over. But after discovering it was not over, I went dark, said I was done w/ our M, and I honestly thought I was. He went crazy, called me, texts to me, notes on my windshield, begging me to give our M another chance. It took some convincing but I decided to give him another chance.

Problem is, I forgot all my DB-ing and jumped onto the roller coaster. I did all the wrong things, talking about my feelings, talking about the future, asking for daily reassurance, questioning where he was and what he was doing, getting upset if I couldn't get him on the phone, pressuring him to want to work on our M. You'd think that was what he wanted, but it seems to have backfired. Now we seem to be back where I really want to work on M and he is lukewarm. He says the A is over, but his actions are not totally consistent. I have become suspicious of contact w/ OW over the holidays; nothing confirmed. His other actions are loving and tender. He is definitely moving closer to me, but not the way I thought he would.

Go slow. I would be sure of your own expectations in your mind, but I would resist giving her a list. She may become discouraged and feel like that if she can't do all those things for you immediately, she can't do them at all. My H expressed this discouragement to me on several occasions. It is a very long way from where you were to where you want to be. Think of all those baby steps you have to take to get there. She is likely feeling all kinds of mixed emotions, even if she honestly wants to reconcile. Don't scare her away and don't forget your GAL goals. If you equate this with a new relationship with a new person, which it pretty much has to be, take things that slowly, especially with kids in the picture.

I did not, and as a result I feel like my H and I have lost a month or two of progress, which may not sound like much, but to me it was everything. Now I have backed off and am not taking anything for granted. Still working on myself, but seeing H regularly. I'm trying to think and act as if we are dating, that way I'm still focused on me and there are fewer expectations and maybe I'm less likely to be disappointed by how slow things are taking.

I wish you the very best in this, and I believe you and your W can do this. Take the time to do it right.

FA