I just spent more than an hour writing an extremely long reply, and I lost everything when I tried to preview it. Arrrggg that makes me so mad!!! I'll make an attempt to summarize anything that might have been any good.
I went into some detail about the possibility that your husband is trying to get revenge or that he's managed to stop desiring you after being rejected for so many years, but I really doubt that either of those is the case. Here are the things that I can think of which might actually be affecting him. Keep in mind that all I have to go on is what affects me.
First, you may have just caught him at a bad time - stressful time at work, bad day, too many things to do around the house, etc. Guys get stressed out and moody at times too.
Also, it could be that your husband has some anxiety after so many years of so little sex. When I was in college and first started "getting around", I was extremely confident. I had no performance issues and although satisfying my partners was a concern, it wasn't anything that caused me to worry. Things are much different now. As badly as I want to have frequent, earth-shattering sex with my wife, I have a lot of anxiety about sex which affects my performance. I have no confidence whatsoever anymore. On the few occasions that my wife and I have had sex over the past few years I constantly worry that I won't satisfy her, in turn giving her no reason to want to do it again anytime soon. And thanks to this anxiety I don't perform particularly well and I end up feeling terrible that she didn't enjoy it as much as me. I'm quite certain that this problem will go away, but it's going to take some time. Having sex every few weeks at best really doesn't help. I think it's going to take a period of really frequent sex - several times a week for a few weeks, several nights in a row, multiple times in a night, etc. - before my anxiety will go away and I'll really be able to enjoy just being intimate with my wife.
Another thing that could have an impact is whether your husband feels that you're really hot for him or just going through the motions. Over the past five years I've seldom, if ever, felt that my wife really wanted me - it always seems that she's just having sex with me so I'll stop complaining, pouting, or whatever else for a while - and that she just wants to get it over with as soon as possible. She's not the slightest bit interested in kissing or foreplay, which just convinces me even more that she doesn't really want me - she just wants to get it over with so she won't have to worry about sex again for a few more weeks. This bothers me a lot, and it actually hurts even when we're having sex. It also keeps me from getting very "excited" (which is not typically a problem whatsoever). I’d recommend that any of you low desire spouses trying the "just do it" method at least try to put on a good act. If your spouse thinks you're just going through the motions you may be still be hurting him (or her), even when you're giving him what you think he wants.
I would honestly love to be able to spend hours kissing and caressing my wife, giving her a massage, taking a shower or bath with her, slowly undressing her, exploring her body, licking chocolate syrup or champagne off of her body - okay, I think you get the idea. And if she were truly interested in these things they wouldn't always have to lead to sex for me to be happy. I want these things so badly that I'm somewhat afraid I'm turning into a woman! (sorry - just trying to be funny)
Another big desire-buster is lack of variety. I certainly have my favorite positions, but without some variety I find that sex can become routine pretty quickly. I always thought that one of the most exciting things about getting married and spending the rest of my life with someone would be the sexual experimentation that we would get to experience together – basically getting to know what drives each other wild. But my wife doesn't think the same way - she likes to have sex one way - and that's it. She acts like she can only enjoy sex in one position so why even try anything else - who cares what I want? It makes me feel like she's saying "I've tried sex every possible way numerous times with all of the boyfriends that I had before marrying you, and I know that I can only have an orgasm if I do it this way - so I definitely don't care to try any of those things with you". Do you think that might be why God intended for us to wait until getting married to have sex? I would absolutely love to get one of those books like 100 nights of great sex and go through it trying something different every night. Guess I'd better stop - I'm just teasing myself now.
I don't know if any of this will help, but I definitely don't think it's too late for reconciliation with your husband. You’re on the right track – just don't give up!
