I disagree about only needing one to break the cycle. I have tried several times to give my W the things to make her happy - as as far as I could tell I did make her very happy. I tried to make it unconditional, but after a month or so of no change in my needs getting met (even after pleasant and un pleasant discussions) I would go back to being a jerk.
Going the other way seems to be working though. When she meets my needs I become the nicest H a woman could want. I've sent flowers to her work about 6 times in the last 2 months. Leave her cards in places she'll find them at a surprising moment. Buy her some small gifts. Run errands. Scratch her back. Watch the kids while she goes out with friends. Etc.
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
