Lou, if you perhaps spend so much time focusing on what BB ISN'T, so much time focusing on what it is you are not getting (your ideal, your fantasy), that you are actually missing something right in front of your face. Yes, I have thought about that too.
So what is there? What does BB offer and have?
Dogs, She likes all kinds of body rubs. If I do something along that line, I can cop a feel any time I want, if I don't linger, so she isn't anti touch like some women.
She has a narrow range of things she likes. If I stick to that range, she tires easily of what I do.
There is a connection between what some women on the forum say about being sensitive and me feeling maybe they and BB are picky.
Corri, what I need to do is more things I want to do and not worry about how BB might react. That is the part I foul up. Being too close to the problem and being concerned about what might go wrong. Of course that is my MO not wanting to do harm or make something worse.
About talking during sex? One thing I have to do is pick a subject that can't get turned into something BB has an opinion about and also something she can find fault with or doesn't like.
I almost don't talk more than 20 minuets a day with her because most of what she and I talk about, she gets on the "why it sucks or why someone did her wrong.
Our daughter might be moving to North Dakota in the spring. BB thinks it is because our D has some resentments against BB and that D is controlled by her H too much.
My take is her H has grandiose ideas but she wants to see what the area will do for her M and she liked the area. I don't see anything to do with our D wanting to spite BB.
It has happened before with other family members, so why am I surprised BB feels this way?
talking during sex Now if I talked dogs with BB, that works for a while, till I had enough of the "dogs are people too" talk.
I like dogs but have my limit as to humanizing dog behavior.
Talking about Vacations during sex........????????? Most likely why she won't go or her fear of cooties from bathrooms and motel bed coverings.
I know there is something we can talk about, just don't know what.
About talking, that is what I saw about the TV shopping channels. BB liked to hear the hosts talk. I thought the TV hosts were embellishing the product they were trying to sell. Lots of blue shy but for me no content or measurable facts were in the sales pitch.
I listened to one sales presentation for 20 minuets before I learned the computer had a 2ghz AMD processor with 512M of RAM, a 10GB hard drive, a 48X CDR, and a SVGA monitor.
BB goes for what I call fluff or what some people call showing concern. I go for what is measurable and usable to the masses.
Since BB isn’t buying from the TV shows any more, now she said she was taken by the host sales pitch. They lied about the products. No Joke, they did many times.
I will relate this back to talking with BB. If I say something, she has expectations. So my problem is "How to talk w/o creating an expectation." I don't want more obligations than I have.
BB having a boob and a half isn't a problem for me. Maybe too heavy of a topic but I still tell BB she turns me on.
Well she tells me she isn't sexy or she is too old to be sexy. I put her hand on my woody but then I am a typical male, over sexed.
I still agree with you, talking more would be something BB liked and would be me finding what is good about BB rather than what I want but am not getting.
I remember when I was LD in my M, my xH constantly asked me what I liked, what I wanted, in order to have sex. He wanted to give me just that, in order to get to his version of sex. Guilty!
I ask hoping to satisfy her wants or desires so our R is better, so I get more of what I want. She tells me she doesn't know of anything I can do except get rid of my stuff and business inventory, maybe a new house, maybe more dogs, maybe..... something I don't want to do.
Instead of being so focused on the goal... are you missing the very REAL process of what works for Lou/BB... not just Lou? OK, I will keep that in mind.
How does one do that when BB speaks mostly why OP are doing her wrong, when I see that BB does little things to make things better but big things that say prickly cactus ahead?
I don't mean to single you out, Lou, I am glad you did. I need a few examples and a few 2X4’s.
I wouldn’t mind going on the TV program “Wife Swap” to experience a different way to live. This forum is a mini-example of different ways to live. Much like a college level, self-help therapy group.
