About a month ago, my younger sister called me on the phone, sobbing like I had never heard her cry. (She and her long term boyfriend are in a sex starved relationship, except she is the High Drive, he is the Low.)
Once I was sure no one had died or had been seriously maimed or injured, she finally was able to verbalize to me the extraordinary sadness, frustrations, feelings, etc., that all of you High S partners feel. Because I had not found the SSM book yet, I was unable to offer her any real comfort. The very deep pain she was feeling pierced my heart.When I hung up the phone, I realized that were my H capable of expressing himself the way my sister had just done, that would be exactly what he would have said to me, and he would be heaving, sobbing as she had done. I felt so overwhelmed by the realization of what my H must be feeling, and the depth to which he must feel it.I even told him about the conversation and my realizations, but still, I had no clue how to fix us or my sister's relationship.
When the SSM book came along, I cried because I finally had the clarity I'd been seeking for so long. I won't repeat my postings from "Diving In" but I can tell you I've been hounding my sister every day since I discovered SSM to go get the book...and READ IT NOW.
I know it is much harder for the HS people to be patient with their LS partners...but instead of starting your Ws or Hs on Chapter 1, direct them to Chapter 5...tell them you understand now what they must be feeling/experiencing from your behaviors, and ask them to help you identify ways to apply Michele's principles to your particular behaviors.
Maybe once your spouse's see your willingness to change first (I know, it's hard), they will be more open to reading Chapter 1 on their own.
For me (the LS person), feeling like I have been understood by my H is the most intoxicating turn on/feeling I can have.
I'm the one who found the SSM book, I'm the one who raced home and screamed "Oh my God! Look what I found!!!" But my H was so impressed that I plowed through the first part of the book, and immediately put into action Michele's recommendations, he is devouring his half of the book to meet me halfway.
