I Let her start...she started by saying she is so sorry, but I am not the person for her anymore. She said she was going to try to wait until the kids were out of high school, then pull the trigger. But it just wasnt right anymore.
Wow...your W is considering staying with you for a number of years? What comes to my mind when I read that is:
a) that you must be doing some things fairly well for her to even consider that, because if you were extremely difficult to be around, she wouldn't even think about hanging around for a while,
b)you have the great potential of more time to continue showing her your changes,
c) people may stay initially "for the sake of the children", but could slowly warm to the idea of wanting to stay for the M and fall back in love with their spouse.
Tostada, there was a study that interviewed and found extremely unhappy couples on the brink of D. They followed up on those couples five years later. Of the unhappy couples that stayed together, those couples were happier and/or more satisfied than ever. Of the couples that decided to split (5 yrs later), they, as individuals were unhappier that before. Time (along with good DB'g) can change things!
And by the way, Tostada - it is so good that you are trying to validate her! Keep it up!!
I am still going to encourage you to back off of OM talk, "what's wrong with me" talk, and the counseling talk. It only seems to take your R in a more negative direction - you want to go the opposite directioin, right?
So, keep up the validating and begin more backing off. Tostada - you are moving in the right direction.
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
