I know I have to be very careful and it's really hard because the little darling is the one getting the unconditional love, and I get kicked in the teeth.
Kimmie..to what extent do you believe that your husband feels guilt over not being in his D life? This may be why his defenses are so high. Also, after 12 yrs of marriage there must have been other contributing factors in your R that produced his overnight deparature...can you give us more info?
Bears is right...especially if your H is feeling guilt about his D, he will naturally feel he has to chose and to preserve his relationship with his D when she may be experiencing symptoms comparable to his own (genetic guilt)?
mcol, you have hit the nail on the head. My H does feel incredible guilt that he "let D17 down". But H doesn't give himself enough credit for being a good dad. H always paid his support on time, travel expenses to and from out-of-state mom's house, took D17 on great vacations every summer, etc, etc...
But! When H got sole custody of D17 when she was 12y/o, the trouble started. D17 loved her dad when he was the good time-see-you-next-summer dad, but she chafed at discipline from him, was disrespectful, played us against one another, and just wanted to go back to her mom's.
It was a nightmare with probs at school, self-defeating rebellion, and all the other stuff teens go through. D17 finally ran away, so we sent her back to her mom's, at her request. We just wanted her to be safe, stay in school and be happy. But she came back here to visit friends, then she went back to her mom's, dropped out of school in her senior year, came back up here to hang with friends, and here we are. Whew!
H says he just wants to get her on her feet, and I am supportive of that, but I don't see why we have to divorce over this. H probably thinks we have to because D17 focuses all her anger on me. I am a convenient target as the wicked step-mom.
