W came into my office this morning to have an R talk with me..
I Let her start...she started by saying she is so sorry, but I am not the person for her anymore. She said she was going to try to wait until the kids were out of high school, then pull the trigger. But it just wasnt right anymore.
I brought up the OM. I said you cant feel anything for me as long as you are feeling it for him. I'm not blaming this on him, but it does tell me what you have been looking for in me. He is providing you a good listener, an agreeable mind, a companion, and someone you can talk to. He makes you feel good. I know thats all it is. She agreed with me.
Anyway...I tried to validate everything she was saying the best I could. I asked her what it was about me that wasnt 'right' anymore. The sad thing is she couldnt even really tell me. Its just not right for her.
two topics of resentment came up. She resents or believes my life has been all about sports. I validated it used to be, then tried to give as many examples as possible from the past to now that shows that its not. the other topic was my family. She resents or believes my parents never really connected with her. This may be true. They live 2k miles away. However, I agreed with her and said it shouldnt be about an occaisional experience with my family.
I told her I was disappointed because we now know what we need from each other and were not going to find out what that experience is like. I guess this is what drives me the most crazy. She also said she has noticed all my changes, but she thinks they are just for her. I told her some were for her, some for me, and I'm guessing I dont even know what some of them actually are. I also told her there are many things I'd like to do but I know you wont let me right now.
One of her other mantra's are that we are too different. She thinks we are opposites. I told her to look back the past couple months and look at what she has been doing and look at what I have been doing. We have been doing the same things, just not with each other. Working out, reading, going out to dinner, lunch, skiing, doing things with the kids, connecting with friends, etc. We have been doing the same things. We have more in common than she is willing to admit.
A bad note..she mentioned that three of her divorced friends told her that they have never been happier than they are now. Of course...are they going to admit their mistakes?
She really didnt want to talk to me all that much because she was afraid I could talk her into trying. So..I asked her if she would resume counseling with me..'No'....I then asked her for one favor. I have never asked her to read anything. So I asked her if she would be willing to read Love Languages. She said yes. but if she doesnt change her mind, she wants to discuss the next step. She wants to discuss it anyway. I hate all this.
