Breton39 & palgal, Yes, I agree with him being like "half-baked", he seemed to really want to come back to me last summer, but then once we got on with life, he felt the confusion/pressures of M, and ran again to go "simmer down" or something. The second bomb hurt so much and was such a surprise, that I cried for 2 days straight and could'nt help it, even though I know it's a no-no. Then the next two days he was still looking for an apartment & living with me and I completely got strength and stopped crying. At that time, I almost felt like it was a relief that he would be moving out, and then he was the one that started to look teary eyed at times.
My H and I have the same very close group of friends that have lasted and evolved since 13 yrs ago in H.S.. There are about 30 of us that do vacations/holidays/hobbies and just hang out all the time. He has gotten in so many fights with these friends over the last 3 yrs. That they all don't feel comfortable around him anymore, but they all still want to hang with me. SO I do everything now with that group of friends, and he can't even bother to say hi to most of them. I may be very sad/depressed to lose him, but I have an exceptionally great life & friends. I Went out to bar on new years, and had about 5 different single males all over me. So many of them were saying "his loss, our gain" and macking it to me. I had a good time and it helps my self esteem, as I do not have far to fall.
I don't know about the "SHock and Awe thing", as I feel he would know it is an act. However, I am prepared to act as if everything is fine, and blatently let him know that I am letting him go as I do not need to go through his confusion. I want him to get the point that I must move on and my life can/will be better with out him. This would be a 180 for me since I have always said to him that I want him to work on our relationship, and that I dont want our M to end. Now I need to act like I am totally fine with finding a better life/relationship with out any of his shananigans. I just wont kiss him for the shock-it would be too much. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being done: I feel like i am somewhere around a 7 or 8. And it blows me away that I feel like this now. Last summer when he left, I was devastated and was still at like a 1-2 even with his crazy behaviors. Now I feel like I have no other choice than to feel like he is never going to be the man I deserve.Thanks for listening!!! Tipper
