Mandy, He is entirely too wrapped in his new life, new wife and environment. The euphoria of that newness has not worn off. Eventually, he may come around. I have seen some of them move on completely and never have contact w/their children. It's something within themselves that is broken and it takes a lot of work and time to repair that damage and those sickos are the ones that won't do the work. They would rather continue to run then face the guilt and shame of what they've done. Time will tell about your son's father. I certainly wouldn't hold my breath on him contacting him at this time. I'm sorry that I had to post this, but we can only hope that things will turn around, but it's a 50/50% chance that he will do the right thing at some point. Mandy, do not wait on this man. Make a life w/your son. You are a good mother and will show him the world and give him the love, admiration and validation he will need to grow into a well rounded young man.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
heard from the guy who ex contacted before christmas, he said that when ex phoned him back to see if he would drop presents of for son that he told him he didn't think it was a good idea to drop his son's presents at their house for friend to drop off here, he didn't tell ex our new address because he doesn't know it only his wife does and she was out. so ex contacted an old friend to ask him to do his dirty work for him his response was, "well I should have expected that from her, this is what I am up against" so now he is making out that it is me I am still the reason of all this, I am the one stopping him contacting and seeing his son, it is still bloody me, after two and half years it is still me, it is my fault he threw me and son out of our home, it is all still my fault, when is he going to wake up and realise he is the one that as done wrong and it is his fault son doesn't want to bother with him, If son wanted to he would pick up the phone and call him or he would go visit him he is old enough and no one is stopping him, but he doesnt want to at this time. I guess it is because he feels so guilty at throwing us out of the house he is trying to get friends to feel sorry for him and do his dirty work, I don't even think he can face son let alone make it up, how can you look your kid in the eye after all he as done. suppose that day will come around some time but I can't see it happening anytime soon, as they say when he does want to and really wants to he will contact and see son no matter what or who gets in his way.
heard from the guy who ex contacted before christmas, he said that when ex phoned him back to see if he would drop presents of for son that he told him he didn't think it was a good idea to drop his son's presents at their house for friend to drop off here, he didn't tell ex our new address because he doesn't know it only his wife does and she was out. so ex contacted an old friend to ask him to do his dirty work for him his response was, "well I should have expected that from her, this is what I am up against" so now he is making out that it is me I am still the reason of all this, I am the one stopping him contacting and seeing his son, it is still bloody me, after two and half years it is still me, it is my fault he threw me and son out of our home, it is all still my fault, when is he going to wake up and realise he is the one that as done wrong and it is his fault son doesn't want to bother with him, If son wanted to he would pick up the phone and call him or he would go visit him he is old enough and no one is stopping him, but he doesnt want to at this time. I guess it is because he feels so guilty at throwing us out of the house he is trying to get friends to feel sorry for him and do his dirty work, I don't even think he can face son let alone make it up, how can you look your kid in the eye after all he as done. suppose that day will come around some time but I can't see it happening anytime soon, as they say when he does want to and really wants to he will contact and see son no matter what or who gets in his way.
Mandyloo, of course its your fault! Its all of our faults that they are this way! Didn't you know that? LOL Mandyloo, no one believes any of that B.S. I promise you! Some people may not say anything when he says stuff like that, but no one with a brain believes any of it. I'm sorry, but the cold truth of the matter is this man is not interested in anything but himself. I do not think this will change for awhile, if ever. Mandy, you are just going to have to try to move past this, trust me, I Know how hard it is. My XW has nothing to do with the 2 kids here. Its tough, but its going to eat you up inside.
I am sorry your ex is such a jerk. You sound like such a wonderful mother and you are all your son needs at this time.
I will pray that one day your ex realizes what he has done and seeks your forgiveness. It appears your ex needs lots of time and space.
Believe you me, he is hurting right now and facing a ton of guilt.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Mandy, I'm sorry his "it's your fault" bs is continiuing. He may never change, but do not allow his projections to stick on you. It's not your fault he was so unhappy w/his life, etc. My xh has been gone for 8 years and it's the world's fault that he's not happy. He's still blaming me and everything and everyone, but himself. Until they can look within, they will continue to blame everyone else.
Mandy, keep walking forward and do not allow his projections t tarnish your life. You and your son will be just fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Everyone is right, it is not your fault. My sister in law taught me to just walk away when he would project and then it would stop. It was hard at first because I always used to feel the need to defend myself but she said nope, never do that, just walk away.
He made choices and he has to live with the consequences.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I thank you all for your replies, and I wish each and every one of you a fantastic 2008, me myself am going to go out of my way to make it a lot better for me and my son than how it as been. as for ex well he can go to hell for me.
Sorry to say he is actually probably headed there unless he repents....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Just a little update as I have really given up hope of anything to do with this man (ex man). From the very first week our son was born ex opened a bank account for him, he had a measly ten pounds a week put into it supposedly for son's first car when he reached 18 years, well can you believe he as now stopped that as well. what a mean pathetic controlled wimp the toad has turned into. How does he ever think he is gonna have a relationship with his son in years to come by all the horrible mean childish petty things he is doing to him, yes he is now taking it out on his only child as he can't get to me anymore.
