Living in MLC Misery Part 2

[sleeper]

Hi KPK,

Mine were 5 and 7 when W kicked me, then them out. When I voiced my concerns about affect on children she responded there would be no ill effect on children if we "handle it properly". I guess this was technically fog but I prefer to think of it as selfish BS on her part. She has put herself in the position of supreme judge of anything I say to kids and any negative affects upon them are my fault because it was not handled to her liking. Example; kids were upset because she was going sking with OM on the week she keeps them and they didn't know who they would stay with (we alternate weeks). Their distress was MY FAULT because she expected me to keep them for her even though she had not confirmed with me that I would keep them (she only assumed I would).

5 yr old took it on purely emotional level. I took them with me to look for apt., pick out furniture. It was like an adventure for him at first, but after a few weks the reality set in and one night he cried, "This isn't fun anymore, I want things back like they were, I want mommy."

7 yr old dealt with it more intellectually. She immediately concluded we were getting a divorce as she had no friends at school with seperated parents, but some whose parents were divorced. She compared our sitch with theirs and concluded we were getting a divorce since there was basically no difference in the two sitches as far as she was concerned (she is a smart cookie). She has shown amazing strength throughout this but has broken down a few times, usually prompted by her brother breaking down.

My C said tell them the truth when they ask questions, my W has chosen the path of untruths. When she and I disagree as to what to tell the kids she immediately rails at me acusing me of trying to "pit kids against her", "messing up the kids", "telling kids inappropriate things", etc. Dealing with her in respect to the kids has been one of the most difficult parts of this. She has very adamant ideas that "our parenting should not change just because we are seperated or divorced." She has some weird idea that she can pick and choose what parts of the marriage she wants to keep (family aspects when, how, and if she wants it) and parts she wants to dump (freedom to go, do whatever she wants whenever she wants). Counselor's descriptions of her actions are, "amazing" and "controlling."

I'm telling you these details because if your WAS has litle or no contact with you and kids it may be a blessing.