Well, picked up 5D from WAW house yesterday morning. It was great to hear 5D behind the door so excited that I was there, shear jubilation. Anyhow, everytime WAW or 5D had to go back in the house for something, WAW pushed the door to. I just ignored it. Asked WAW for video camera and upon receiving it I said 5D and I would be going out of town and needed it. She asked if I was spending the night and I said whatever 5D wants to do. That's all I said to WAW. I then made a comment to 5D that we should take the dog with us to the park as we were walking to my vehicle. In short, just completely ignoring WAW. I did good as far as detaching. Rain kind of ruining original plans. Time to come up with something else for 5D and I.
Found out WAW sent out questionnaires to several people from the online meeting site. They live really far away. I guess this is a reflection of her loneliness and complete lack of desire for our R. I should take a positive that she has not found someone locally already. Just need to continue what I am doing. Striving to be a great Dad for 5D and continue to document everything I do and I mean everything.
Also, going to get 5D enrolled in dance classes, counseling, and go somewhere by plane. This may not do anything for WAW, but it'll mean the world to 5D and I. This is really what is best. Got to get ready for church...
I could use a shot of PMA. Took 5D to zoo yesterday. It felt like one person short. We had lots of fun. I guess I need to try to detach better. Wish there was something I could do to sway my WAW choice. Her anger eliminates my chance to communicate with her and I cannot really try if she views me as the last option. Like I said need a dose of PMA, hope, prayer, faith, etc...
I feel better detached when I am alone for some reason. When I am with 5D, it is so hard not feeling like we are one person short. Sure wish time would pass quicker. She is moving so fast. I know I can do nothing to stop her. But I sure do wish I could at least give her a second to pause and reconsider. Maybe when we both start back to work after the holidays she can. Dose of PMA would greatly be appreciated.
Any suggestions on things I could do in a couple weeks to break darkness without clearly pursuing?
jmw I don't have any magic answers, but I do feel your pain. It is just an emotional nighmare and there is no easy way through it. My only advice would be to try and do things you like hang out with friends and do you best to get your mind off of your W. I say that and of course I think about my W every minute of the day. Try and remember too that she is in pain and also struggling and this is causing her to act the way she is.
Me - 34 W - 33 S - 5 D - 4 M - 14 years Bomb 1 Dec 06 Bomb 2 Aug 07 Separated - Aug 07 WAW Renting own place - Dec 07
Thanks for the responses...got my shot from a friend of hers calling me today. Although WAW has not talked to her in a very long time, she said in brief, 2 weeks prior to me being told to leave she wanted to have another baby, then I hollered at her in a very ugly way in a parking lot a week later, then the day of separation, a week later again, she honestly believes I took both sets of car keys on purpose. Somehow, this gives me a ton of hope. Either she forgives me for something simple or I can move on because of the simplicity it. I know a lot of control, etc issues...but car keys come on... More to add later but I am in a great mood now...heck, which is more to add later, MIL said that she doesn't know what is going to happen. That in itself is further positive. Adding in morn...
Oh, and I stick by what I said, it's a reflection of her loneliness. These jokers are a long way away. If I play my cards right, then I'll at least get a look. WAW will see one day. I know she will. Too many dreams we share. If not well, then she will miss out...Option A...I know it. Thanks for the shot...
Good grief, I just want to work things out with the one that does not want to be around me. Sure wish I could talk with her and tell her what I know now and get through things.
I need to detach better. To have a chance at a life with or without her I need to learn how to not think of her so much. I know things could be worked out but she doesn't now. I know darkness is my only chance either way. Sure wish this time would pass.
WAW called this morning. Said "Good Morning" just like the wife I remember. I said morning. She then asked if she was coming to get 5D and I said I had something I needed, caught myself and proceed with, I was getting her ready to go. She said are you bringing her and I said I was getting her ready to go. She said ok.
When I took 5D to WAW's place, I let her out gave her hugs and kisses and let 5D knock on WAW's door and when it opened I quickly drove off. Did not even make eye contact with wife. I guess that helps my darkness.
Positives 1) Well she called. She could've just sent a text or something. 2) Sounded like my wife 3) Did not hang around 4) Easier to leave WAW alone now that I won't have 5D on weekends for a long while.
Negatives 1) I started to tell her my plans. 2) Not exactly a start to reconcile. 3) Already miss 5D. 4) Miss WAW too. 5) Got to do a better job of finding something to do for myself while I do not have 5D.
JMW, I admire your tenacity...I know it is very diffcult to juggle what we are going through and a young child. It helps me to read other people's situations and give my suggestions. It is much more difficult when actually going through our own mess. You are doing great on the darkness issue not as well on the detaching and GALing. I think you are doing great and now need to concentrate on GAL. Good luck in 2008!
