Not sure if this will reflect back on me or what...I personally don't care.
Just an observation, but it sounds like you do.
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I told W to pass a quote, "I have never asked other girl to spy on W and I have never spied on W.
There is nothing wrong with snooping if you do it to confront and expose an affair, as a first step to saving a marriage and a family. Are you saying that you have made a promise to your wife never to snoop on her? Have you given up on trying to get proof of their affair, so that you can confront her with it?
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If he has something to say to me then I want to hear it because then W will not have him as a confidant anymore..someone to turn to. He just needs to be prepared for what is coming back from my side.
What, specifically, is going to be your position with him if you have the opportunity? Have you thought it through?
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As for W and I, things are progressing. I feel like every IM is a chance to explore a closed off area. I mentioned to her the other day that I am not as nervous bringing up touchy subjects. I used to feel and still do to a certain extent, that talking hard stuff will push her away. However, she said that she would rather me ask her than try to ask her family.
This is good, that you are "losing the fear" of broaching difficult subjects with your wife. But as long as the motivation to "not push her away" is the strongest one, you will not make much progress. I know it's difficult (I am the WORLD'S biggest conflict avoider!!), but you need to push thru the fear of making your wife mad, and be brutally honest with her. She is waiting for you to do that. She won't LIKE it when you do, but she is waiting for it, in my opinion.
btw, she is looking for you to promise not to talk to her family about these things. My wife did the exact same thing. "This is our private business" is a common mantra of infidels. Affairs HATE the light of day shone upon them. You don't need to go airing all of your daily dirty laundry to them, but there is NOTHING wrong with exposing specific things to them, if you feel they will help support the marriage. A good position can be "I'm not going to go seeking them out about everything, but they're concerned about your inappropriate relationship as much as I am, and they're trying to help." And, "If asked, I will not lie to them about what I know. Frankly, there's been TOO MUCH lying and secrecy going on around here lately."
