Whell I messenger'd her yesterday afternoon. she said come bye and take the kids out for dinner yourself. I asked if I she wanted to just hang out at midnight and then I would leave. She started this "I can't win" "I feel presured" So I backed right off {I know, Shouldn't have gone there but..}I She said I can't commit right now. Fine fair enough. Took the kids out to dinner. came home and did bathtime, bedtime and I left. Not a word said. Went to my cellar condo and layed down. Woke up at 12:45 and it was over. Whoopie dooo. No messages, no Nothing. I guess I got my answer. First time in 13 years w/out her on new years.{Sucks}
So now I'm back here {home} she's in bed w/ cramps. Seems like She is getting all the benefits of a husband w/out the relationship? I'm here every morning after my 6:00 am AA meeting. help out w/ dinner/ bedtime and then I leave. Basicly I just don't sleep here. Just trying to be as helpfull as possible. not open my mouth. And seem happy?{no pouting} Someone said Men allways try to "do" something and thats me to a Tee.. Now add in my alchohloism, terrible fear of abandonment and all the other fears and insecurities a life of alchohol does for your personality and thats where I'm at. I constantly think I have to "FIX" everthng and everyone.
