happy new year! no really i want you to have a happy new year! lets start with this, Don't smile....doooonnn't smile!
I left it at that. we say that to the kids to get them to smile. On my way back downstairs i got a text from w saying happy new year. I replied the same and added hope 2008 is great.
good night and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
I believe(pun) chocolateeyes is in a totally different place in his r than I am. I do think he is strong and moving forward in his sitch. I havnt come to that yet. Im still looking for cheese in one of these tunnels.
OK here is a last night update and this morning.
w calls for a ride @ 145 bars close at 200 here. I go get her and gf. they had good time. I said glad it was great. She said it all wasnt great, i thing she was talking about r talks with gf. she told me happy new year (no kiss) and went to bed. This morning she doesnt want to go to fargo(tired?). Im watching tv for a bit drinking my coffee. She askes me about her taking away my pride or something like that. And why i put up with it. I responded with the only other option i see is divorce. She was quiet for a second then asked if i kept the counc app for us. I said yes and asked if shed go. She said dont know. I said if u do there is some paperwork they would like first.
Im not really sure if that was good or bad? guess ok.
I think i will go to fargo myself w s8.
after i catch up on other threads.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Wife wants to seperate. we cant afford it i dont want to- i feel if she wants om the d me i thing she wants insurance coverage she says she will always have feelings for me love me doesnt want to be enemys
wife has refused councelling up till now (maybe go on 10th) has heard it all before doesnt want them to tell her to stop with om i say i dont want counceller to tell her that also want it for communication and another point of view
i moved into basement still share main level i cooked supper tonight she said good supper she cooked last night i complimented her i dont watch half as much tv with her as i used to
i feel like the gods are against me getting any little bit of time with her making eggrolls last night d20 calls, car wont start new years eve gf calls to talk r and go to bar guy across srteet asks for help w/lifting car parts d20 calls will u watch grandson tennesee gf calls
Thoughts?
Yesterday i took her car to fargo(gas mileage). in back seet was an insulated coffee mug(Outer Banks North Carolina). I tossed it out by the garage door. later i saw it in the garage, i think kids put it in when they were playing. this summer there was a can coozie in back seat with same logo. i tossed that one out on the street one day. She could just as well jet a huge flag and drive around town with it, i would feel the same.
last night she came into basement and said its like Flowers in the attic w/me down here. She walked in on me rereading db book and said still reading that.
later i went to our room and talked a little and asked for a hug. she did and had a couple tears.
small disigreement on my way to fargo and i texted her that i didnt want her to do anything she didnt want to do.
Just putting some of my thoughts out there.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
as far as the seperation, i would consider it if we could each have a place big enough for the kids and equal time.
Just went upstairs wondering if Desperate Housewives was on.
d17 was watching tv and w is on some im on other computer. i sat with d17 for a bit and said goodnight also told w i put a couple beers in fridge.
light switch
ps: before i went to fargo i used computer to see sale at a store and what was on the computer? Weekend lodging at NC by the sea, didnt look like she booked anything maybe om did.
before she is going to NC im going to VEGAS with u guys!
Last edited by light switch; 01/03/0804:40 AM.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
I'll try to answer your questions by giving my own example.
My W has asked for separation a number of times and I've stalled. She had a PA, and even became pregnant with the losers baby, but we're still in the same house. Why? For me there were a few reasons and they are summarised as follows (I've already written a huge life essay elsewhere...my thread is called "Finally detaching after 15 months of hell"):
- I was too shell shocked by her asking for a divorce after 15 years of marriage. I was in denial and couldn't do anything. - I hoped by staying in the same house we could work things out more easily - I was so used to having her around and liked the comfort of our domestic routines. Though the reality was that our domestic bliss had been shattered and she would go out most nights with OM
I'm now stronger and more rational (but its still the most painful hell imaginable), and the reasons I stay now are as follows:
- I still love my W and want to give our M a chance. I believe me watching her daily struggle with her inner demons (though this is not always obvious when she's all "tarted up" for partying), and she watching me trying to GAL are good for both of us. We committed to be there for each other on this journey of life, and I think we should stick to our vows. A part of me also feels that she would have a tough time on her own, and I'd rather she arrive at a definite conclusion from the comfort and security of our home. - We have 2 beautiful girls (9 & 13), and I think they both benefit from having 2 parents in the same home. They can hug us whenever they want, and chatter without inhibition. They don't need to wait till they go over to the separated home. In addition, I know my girls are aware of our difficulties, and I hope they can learn a lesson of trying to work things out especially when it comes to something as sacred as family & M. They know their Mum isn't her normal self and we are there to try and help her. - The practical, financial and emotional implications of separation are too much to contemplate. Therefore I'm going to focus my time and energy on GALling. Honestly, maybe I'm scared that separation will be a one-way street to divorce. Staying together buys me time to get stronger.
Your circumstances are similar to mine. We live in the same home but are physically separated. You have the advantage of some hugs, I wouldn't even dream of asking for one of those.
You both have a civil relationship, and I think there's a lot of good things to rebuild your marriage on. The only issue is the OM. Can you deal with it? I've learnt to deal with it, but its a huge red line that's tough for most guys. Whether you shout, you stay, or you separate, makes no difference. She's going to do what she's going to do. I look at my W and think this is an alien and my real W would never have done this. You need to think your Ws ill and going through a madness you can't fix. If you think that your W is making any of these choices with her normal & logical senses (especially with respect to OM) then you had better cut and run. However none of the spouses here are in their senses and we should try and be the better humans, and show them some compassion. I know its not fair that we have to put up with this sh*t, but that's the hand we've been dealt. If you decide to stick it out at home then GAL like crazy, because I don't want you to get hurt if she progresses things with OM.
Take care of yourself, and be the better man that you truly are.
