Hello all and welcome 2008. May it be better than 2007.
Journaling:
Quite a day at our house. H was in a wonderful mood, cooked a huge breakfast, very outgoing, very funny, very playful with the girls. When I left, he had our 2 daughters, and 4 other neighbor girls all planning to spend the night. H will let them and they will all have fun.
He tried to be physical with me. I told him "What it would mean to us isn't right at the moment". I didn't want to say "It would mean more to me than you", so that's what I spilled out. He seemed fine with that, and continued on with his good mood. I just don't know what to think about this person.
wow, lwb, your h is making my head hurt. seriously. wtf?
I actually think it would be good for you to tell him straight out that it would mean more for you. I think talking about it might shake him up, and might be a huge 180 for you guys. jmho. and maybe I'm off here. but I keep thinking about how he was confused about it when you told him you fought for the M all summer and such, and he had no idea you were still even wanting it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
But me saying that it means more to is pursuing, no?
I don't believe all the things about DB, but I do believe in preserving my self respect. I don't want to be last resort for my H when OW isn't available.
I do think about the fact that he was surprised that I wasn't fighting for our M this summer. I do want him to know I do want our M, bandaided and fixed up. I don't know.......
I gotta take Sally's side here. My wife is convinced that I no longer want to be married to her, and even suspects that I am cheating on her.
My plan is to wait for the subject to come up, and tell her at that time (as opposed to just walking up to her and saying, "Hey, nice sweater... btw, I still want to work on the marriage." Waiting for the right context, I guess...
lwb, I think db is also about doing 180s. if something isn't working, try something new. and honestly, maybe he NEEDS to hear it.
maybe all pursuing isn't evil. I think people get stuck on that. yes, I can see how it can be annoying, and can be wrong in many cases. but I also think it the was doesn't know the lbs even wants them, or has convinced themself the lbs doesn't care, maybe its not a bad idea for the lbs to shake that up a bit.
do you get what I am trying to say? I'm not saying you have to humiliate or degrade yourself. I don't think letting your H know that sex between you would mean something to you, is in any way losing your own self respect. I think, far from it, in fact, its keeping it...its acknowledging your feelings and laying them out there. the scary thing is it makes you vulnerable, which is tough to do.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
If H is to bring sex up again, I should say something like "I want this, but at this point it would mean more to me. I still want our marriage to work..". Stuff like that?
lwb, I guess what I am saying is say it straight out. if he initiates, tell him you would love something more, but he has to understand that it means x to you...that to you, it is ML (or whatever). my h actually said to me recently that he thought the sex was fine between us because he hears that is normal for couples breaking up...kind of going out of business sex. well, buddy, that's all well and good if you both are on the same page. and lwb, maybe that is how your h is thinking of it. but the thing is, you can't do his thinking for him, and he can't do it for you.
I wouldn't go into working on the marriage, I guess I would limit the conversation to what was happening in that moment.
or maybe you could be more blunt...tell him to you, if you ml, it would mean you both are back to working on the marriage. is he still willing to pursue the physical with that in mind?
maybe the answer will be yes...
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
