Oh it hurts....I thought I was doing what I wanted to do today by staying at home and vegetating on here.
Now it's nearly 7pm. The in-laws are an hour late getting here (FIL is brining MIL to help with d6 while I work Wed, Thur and Fri) and it's now that I'm getting itchy feet to go out.
h just rang to say he's having a bbq and d6 hasn't eaten yet so he'll bring her round afterwards. he asked what I did today and I said not much...just surfed the net. He said "is that all?" in a shocked sort of way that makes me think he'll be feeling bad that I was all alone today. And now I feel sad that I WAS all alone today.
Most of my friends are away and I didn't have any plans firmed up for today because I wasn't sure whether h was having d for sure until he confirmed Sunday evening. So I didn't really have time to go round begging other people to buy in on their celebrations. I honestly thought I would like to be on my own. I did mean to go to the movies by myself, but I can't really afford it especially seeing as I took d6 to watch the Golden Compass last night and she insisted we leave after the first half hour (I think it scared her) so that blew nearly thirty bucks.
It sucks...h is throwing money around on his personal trainers wage (which isn't much but he doesn't have many expenses) while I'm struggling to have money left over at the end of the month and I'm a professional in the mining industry. He bought snorkeling sets for us on Sunday. He's going sky diving in a couple of weeks (the w/e he's supposed to be having d6) and could afford to give me $330 in gift vouchers for Christmas.
I just want him to commit and offer to help pay for d6's expenses like vacation care. farrrrrk.
I don't want him back but I feel so alone and pathetic. I feel like I have to chase other people to get included in on their plans and because h doesn't confirm plans till one or two days beforehand I don't have enough time to plan my own stuff. It just seems a pattern that if I communicate that I have plans something always comes up that means his plans change and therefore mine have to also. I'm sick of it. I know what I need to do in order to pin him down...I've tried several times, we just end up in a big fight.
