I have thought about writing a love letter to her for Christmas but figure that is WAY over the edge. Just not sure what to do. Last year, we did the WHAT DO WE DO thing. I gave a gift certificate...she gave me fudge. What in 07?
How about, you aim for a "Nice" gift this year... see how she reacts... and consider the love letter for february
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Thanks for the responses. Thought about what you all said and decided to go with the nice gift. Usually I would buy her crystal each year (also something her dad does as well) and found a great deal on Waterford......a great deal! So she is getting a couple wine glasses this year. I hope she will like them.
I emailed her on Friday telling her that Santa dropped something by, that I know she is busy but would like to drop them off when she has the time. As of Sunday night, still have not heard from her. Not sure if SHE might be pulling some DB techinques or something but this is very strange. While I would like to call, trying not to put pressure on the situation. What do you think?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I know EXACLY where you are coming from! This line from your post was so scary, it was like you were in my head! "While we are divorced, we are not emotionally together. While I have been out and in the dating world, the more I have been out there, the more I realize that the person that I am looking for I have already found and was married to for 9 years. While I try to move on........I don't think I will ever feel like I am not cheating, or actually holding out hope for her. Is that wrong? " I feel the exact same way!
My XH and I had a falling out last week... and our friendship is in question now. I gave him a week of "quiet" from me, but I broke down and did text him "Merry Xmas". Needless to say I have not heard from him.... nor do I think I will....
I hope things go better for you! Best of luck with your situation. It is nice to know that there is someone else out there that is feeling the way I am!
As an update....still did not hear from her on Christmas Morning. Merry Christmas all! Sent out text to a ton of folks to save me calls wishing everyone a Merry Christmas in the morning. At 6:45 last night she responds with "Thanks, Merry Christmas. Let's catch up later this week".
I am not sure what is going through her head but am more and more convinced that she is finishing the MLC process.....so hopefully something good will come of all of this.
Extremely difficult to hold back but I am doing a good job so far.
And R2, although you might have had a falling out, at least you have direction......sitting at the fork in the road is just painful.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
It's possible she doesn't want to accept the gift without reciprocating. Since you told her, she may be stalling for time so she has the opportunity to do a little shopping of her own.
Well, found out Jet that is not the case. She made fudge again this year.....I don't even like fudge that much!
Anyway, she called this evening. Going to dinner tomorrow night. Kept the call short, open (I will decide where we go tomorrow evening) and to the point. No small talk.
Again, got the "I can meet you in between" (we live about 10 miles apart. This time, I replied "or I can pick you up...not a big deal", but it might be to her. That way, its not a date.
Don't know what to make of this other than this roller coaster needs to stop.
I think the gift tomorrow night is going to push things in a direction. She is meeting with her "single, over 40, and might always be single" friends Saturday night. When you are having marriage issues, what better people to go to for advice than those who have not been in a relationship for 10+ years! Without question, I will be a topic of conversation for a bit.
Would love to be a fly on the wall though!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I have not been this emotionally bad in a while. I guess a combination of the holidays and things. I have been lurking on the boards all day to find some sort of peace, but I don't think I am going to find it today.
Last night I went to see the movie "PS, I Love You" with a friend. Good movie, not a good movie if you are already in some sort of emotional turmoil. It did give me some reinforcement though that I still love my wife unconditionally.
Anyway, tonight we were to go to dinner, but she called to cancel. Might have been the worst excuse ever: my wi-fi is down at my house and I need to fix it.....WTF? Didn't challenge, re-scheduled for brunch on Sunday.
Now as I sit here, I am not sure that I even want to do that. I feel like a doormat. What am I, the standby XH? Many friends tell me it is great that we are good friends after the D, but I just don't feel that way. I just feel like I am in such limbo....whereas I would like to just come out and say, what do you want....I also don't want to close the door on anything. That limbo, while I hate it, is more acceptable since it leaves the possiblity open.
Don't quite know what to do. Tired of being treated this way, but again, willing to be patient. I think I am just getting to the point where this "friendship" is a one-way street and I am am ready to take the next left.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
