LRT UNDER SAME ROOF III

[craig54]

invited to play poker for nye tonight. but i will stay home an really enjoy the solitude. good time to reflect on what i need to do to restore my marriage. w has been gone with daughter all week to visit her mother in salem oregon. fortunately i have been buys working. w has called every day and sometimes twice a day. no meaningful conversation. just small talk. she has been sick with stomach flu for the last few days. sounded ok today. told her i miss daughter and her. made sure i included both, no pressure.but i do miss her, even when she is unemotional towards me i still miss her company. must get myself mentally and spiritually ready for her return tommorrow. i will be praying the new year in, not partying. first time in twenty years we are not together. God will transform my marriage, i have the faith and the will and will stand in the Lords way. amen.happy new year!!!!!! pray for miracles in 2008.

[Wooglint]

Craig, the fact that she is calling has to be a good sign. Take it as a positive and stay upbeat. 2008 is going to be a good year.

[craig54]

thank you woog, i think my dbing is going well. i believe w is scrutinizing me to see if my changes are heartfelt and lasting. things have been very friendly and easy at home. trying to input what db coach told me the other day. makes great sense. keeping my expectations for w very low. very hard to do. definitely a test of my faith. take each day as it comes. each interaction as a chance to put my faith into action. not pushing her at all. db coach said i need to compliment her with exuberance, not like i would if it was my mother. tried this morning , sort of flubbed it. she did say thank you. better luck next time.

[Wooglint]

At least you got a thank you. I'm sure her trip helped her to "miss" you. I noticed when I was travelling I received a much warmer feeling from the W.

[sandi2]

Craig, just keep practicing with the compliments. I don't know why, but I always felt so fake when I tried to lavish my H as far as showing him that I admired him. I have failed miserably at this all down through the years. I think it must be a mental block or something b/c I had no problem where the OM was concerned.....so why can't I feel free to do the same with my H? I have read that admiration is at the top of the list where men's needs are concerned, so my poor H has not had his needs met very much at all.

Speaking as a woman, I know we can't get enough amiration either, although it may not be quite the same need as where men are concerned. I think it is a matter of building self-esteem and feeling cherished by our H's. This is kind of bad to give this example but I will to let you know the difference in a H telling his W that she looks nice when they are going out compared to what another man would say. My H tells me quite often that I look nice when I dress up for work, etc. But, the OM once told me, "Baby, you are so damn hot!" Now, that turned me on! Do you see the difference? Of course, my H wouldn't use the swear words, but it was just the way OM said it to me that thrilled me and sent my self-esteem up through the roof. Right now you are kind of walking on ice and have to be careful to ease into using sexual overtures like the example I just gave, but I was trying to explain the difference in giving a compliment to your W being different from one you would give your Mother.

If you aren't use to "praising" her, you will probably feel a little strange or fake at first and I wouldn't overdo it or she will see it as not being sincere and that you are despartely trying too hard.....as in clingy. I know this is so difficult b/c we women are very, very complex! It is almost impossible for a man to know what to do in most cases.

My biggest problem in trying to turn my heart back to my H has been that my heart was closed up to him. So, time and lots of patients is the key here. Your faith will help you more than anything else. Miracles can happen, Craig.

[craig54]

sand, i have never had a problem complimenting my wife, either with words or poems or even sexually oriented poems. it is definitely harder right now. since she says she is not attracted to me any longer. i feel like i am walking a tight rope. i don't want to be sexual. she was always self conscience about it in the past. plus you are right , i do not want it to sound fake. i believe our conversations are more intimate than over the last couple of months. i make sure i look into her eyes when we are talking. she seems more engaging lately. she said after christmas she was going to file and move. but up until now she has not mentioned anything since 3 weeks ago. part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. especially after reading the bb's the last week. people are in a lot of pain, it hurts to read the boards some time. but my faith is in God. my situation is in hands. i only live for each day, i try not to look into the future. sandi, i appreciate your input. thanks

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

Hey Craig - I lost you. I was still waiting for the old thread to be updated <silly me>. I just caught up on your thread. 2 1/2 weeks have done you well. Stay positive.

[craig54]

phil, thanks. i stopped posting on my sitch so often because i was only thrashing my wife. after reading what Cog wrote to me i have done alot of soul searching. honestly, this whole situation has been a real eye opening experience. i am glad this took place, no matter how much it has hurt. it has allowed me to see myself in a way i have not seen for many years.it has allowed me to get right with jesus. i have been unhappy for many years. not with my wife. but myself. i ignored my spiritual life. i have paid a stiff price. God never left me. he welcomed me back with open arms. found a great church just a few blocks away. now i just pray for a second chance to make it right. feeling a peace most of the time. just keep praying for my wife to have her heart opened up back towards me.

[COG]

Craig,

now i just pray for a second chance to make it right

That is a fantastic prayer, it encompasses a lot more than we think. It helped me recall an exersize that I did. I wrote a prayer, a very detailed prayer asking God for the things I wanted. It was difficult. Imagine, being able to recieve anything you pray for. Makes you very careful about what you wish for.

Stay the course, keep working on YOU, love your W as in 1C:13, and pray with convidence.

God Bless,

COG

PS Curious, do you post less because you're tired of being hit with 2x4's, or because you're honestly moving forward and don't have as much to whine about, or what?

[craig54]

cog, not worried about the 2x4's. no, i am moving forward. writing is like speaking,written words can be as negative as spoken words. not going to go there anymore. God has shown me how i must be. not only for my wife , but for myself. time to be a husband and father. i was unhappy because of me. so i need to correct myself with the Lords help. plain and simple.