The End or just the Beginning? Part 2

[dh4320]

like I'm requesting a semi to stop at 80 in the next 5 feet, and she is showing me the reality that it takes a lot of distance to stop.
this is a great analogy...

Now im going to give you some of your advice back. My family like many on this board have all told us to move on, hell they even say i have the perfect woman for you or i am screening the next one b4 you get serious(mom said that).

It sounds like you are getting to a point like i am although you have been doing this longer, where u start to feel or lookback at the negatives as well, you feel ya i need to change some things ok if that brings the spouse back what about the things she needs to change. While we are all dbing when and if the spouse comes back who says they will have changed to work on the negatives on their side. I am blabbering but my point is i think you really need to look at the R and see if its really something you want. you told me that once and i think about that post all the time.

hope it helps

DH

[mako]

Atlas,

I agree with what the others have said...I've gotten tons of advice in the past two months, a lot of things like "just set a date and move on, it's too much turmoil" "you'll never trust her again" "eff her, you don't want her in your life now." Few people understand what I am doing, although I think those I've thoroughly explained things to (including some basics of DB principles) get it, at least as far as understanding why I am doing what I'm doing.

They just don't want me to feel hurt, don't want me to be hurt again. If I give up and move on that's the quickest path to that; if I go along for the roller coaster ride who knows how long I'll be? Giving up is the easiest path for them, but it's not what I want right now.

Anyway, it's good to see the signs of your W at least trying something, even if it's just getting dressed up to see you, pursuing you. Now it's up to her to show you real changes consistently and for a long time period to see if she's really capable of being the one for you again. It is funny how you are almost the WAS now, the tables have turned.

[dh4320]

You know its funny what Mako said you are almost the WAS now, my W's friend said the W did what she did cuz she thinks it was for attention she did not receive from me anymore so i wonder if as dark and detached as i am if thats going to work for the M probably not but it works for me. But i think that is part of what works for some R's when our WAS's walk away we feel abandoned, well when the tables turn maybe then the WAS's will feel what we have and then they might react the way Atlas's is coming around. But Atlas just like that analogy i copied to you post it takes time....

[Atlas]

What a fun two weeks this has been. All I can say is YAAA for 08! Cause 07 sucked big time and it can't get worse then that. So only way is up. I officially hate the holidays now.

So I have been shopping for the health insurance for my S and I. I have to admit I have been lax about it, but so has W. I don’t have my S’s ssn, and needed it to purchase. I asked for this a while ago. Well sure enough he is sick again, and she is mad, cause she calls saying did you get it yet, well did you have his ssn. I mean I know I’m not saying “I told you so.” But I know she thinks that when she calls all attitude in place, and I calmly say, sure I would have but you haven’t…

I ask how she is doing and get a goodbye. Well her sister who is pushing for the D, is in town and they are all staying up MIL’s, who wants the D. So I’m sure W is getting the pulled in every direction thing again.

So I decided to test the water a little and sent the following text. “Dude what gives, we can’t talk anymore?” I get a phone call a few minutes later, she is pretty angry, asking what do I want, she is all stressed out and busy. Well I start validating and say I just like to hear sometimes how you’re doing. She tells me all of her crap and all the sudden is happy butterfly girl because I listened. I’m telling ya, when it comes to the communication aspects of things, the Men are from…is like a magic wand.

As for moving forward with the D, I’m going to sit for a while longer. I have some other issues to focus on myself for now. She has said she won’t sign now, I think she is holding on to her safety net. Me and my attorney don’t want to push it on her, he is afraid our too good to be true settlement will get crushed. He wants me to wait until she asks for it. I’ll wait until I decide what I’m doing, but right now I’m not even deciding or thinking. I’m just going to watch the movie from the side.

I’m really doing the focus on me, started some house projects over the new years. Have the whole upstairs how I want it now. Time to tackle the downstairs and garage. Have to keep up on the bike. Doing some outside the M studying and reading which is nice for a change.

It will be interesting to see what happens now that the pressure and the magic from the holidays are gone by. However, here comes Valentines, and Birthdays.

[ann25]

Hey there...

Sounds like your NYs could have been better. do anything good NYE?

If it were up to my sisters and mother, i'd be prectically remarried by now... I know better, but she's in a rough spot to have to deal with it, which means you get to deal with it. Way to go on the text and validating. That's awesome. Because she knows that about you, that you'll be there and listen, i don't think the MIL/sister thing will hurt your efforts too badly.

right now I'm not even deciding or thinking. i'm just going to watch the movie from the side.

This is great. Just see what happends. smart guy!!

there is always going to be another special day right around the bend. Just hang tough and they will pass...

ann

[Atlas]

NYE sucked! But it is probably one of my most hated holidays. I never have really gotten it. I want to go outside and such, but it is so cold, then it just so happens to be in the middle of the night. The clock changes, and ya, what just happened. Weird to me.

I did pass up a huge opportunity though on NYE. Family friend is all in with the forest service and we live close to the mountains. He does a big start up there each year you can see from the city. People take turns hiking up to it at night and carrying gas to the generator and getting it lite.

Well this year, not sure how he got this, but he got permission from the forest service to go blow 2 lbs of dynamite up on the mountain. When he called me I was already at parents house, by his house, without any of my stuff to get up the trail. So I didn't want to freeze my tail off and didn't go. But I was home 5 miles away and outside at midnight to watch the fireworks and heard a nice boom from by the star, no explosion light though, thought there would be some of that, but I guess that shows how bad I have let my "I earned my pyro degree at 13" license expire.

[Atlas]

Things are sort of on hold I guess for the time being. With her sister in town, she hasn't TM'ed or stopped by. Which wouldn't be approved of my SIL at this point. Funny thing is SIL likes me, just thinks that MIL 8k to get a D should mean that W should now D me. I'm so glad our S and our M isn't worth more than 8k, or I'd probably try and sell it. Hehe!

Well they are leaving Saturday, so I'm sure there will be a swing in behavior after that. Just a wait and see attitude.

[ann25]

I've never really understood the holiday either, but I stay up late everynight anyway, so if i'm up, why not celebrate something. hehe. sorry you didn't enjoy it....

sounds like you need to blow something up... it would probably make you feel better.

Just hang in there. If she's anything like me, she'll probably say whatever she needs to (even agree w/ mom that D is a good idea) just to shut her up. Wait it out and see if you get your W back to where she was once family is out of the picture.

[dh4320]

Sorry your NYE sucked Atlas,

I used to cover tennis balls with Wd40 light them and roll them down the driveway until a made a mailman swerve to miss one and ended up in the neighor's yard. I was about 8 so my pyro degree was taken away and my @ss was spanked to the point of being brighter than any fire i could ever produce. In any case my sitch is the opposite of yours my in laws think i am the best thing for the W and have basically ignored her cries of being the victim, but as Anne says she will probably agree with them to shut them up. I have done this with some people who have said f her and just move on.

[Atlas]

It's not that the in laws even hate me or anything. At first we were all talking about how to fix this. Then W started with the lies, and the loveless M and how she has had to tolerate this for years. Well you can see what that has done. Which amazes me because for the last 4 of 5 years we have lived within 20 minutes of her sister and brother, if I am what they say I am, why did they never see it? Oh well, wait and see.

My dad is planned out which is exciting. Hit the bike tonight, try for an hour. Then out with some friends for a movie and such. I have to handle something with a client tonight and W is going to have to pick S up at my M's so that might be a little conflict. I spoke with my mom and laid down some ground rules, which was easy since she said she would love to see her, but W is not going to like this one bit.

Oh well, so is life, not fair.