Hi Jar I almost posted to you last night. It's hard to see our level headed, NICE, Jarhead be yanked around by your W's inconsiderate actions. I figured you were p*ssed enough without someone pointing out that you're allowing her to yank your chain!
This is tiring and seems to go on forever. Our improvements truly are baby steps forward. You've done AMAZING with detaching, but hey, you're human. The key is to be detached around her, and beat your pillow and cry when you're alone.. vent here. You have a great sense of right and wrong. I can tell that your W's selfishness and lack of morals right now is eating at you. Wrong is wrong and right is right, huh? That's what made DBing so very frustrating to me. Any reasonable person would look at their actions and know that they're screwing up. Problem is.. their not living from their beliefs.. they're living to feel good right now. To hell with everyone else! The boundaries that are set with someone who doesn't care about the rules are for ourself. They're awfully hard to enforce when the other person is guaranteed to ignore most of them anyway.
Right now I think your best bet is to dig deep down (as you have been) and live by your beliefs regardless of what your W does. Whatever that is. For example: I'm going to show my D's that I can be kind and supportive of their mother just because it's the right thing to do. Or, I won't point out my W's mistakes in front of my D's because I want them to respect their M.
If you instill your beliefs and morals into your D's that's the best you can do to counteract the crap your W is pulling. I agree.. document, document, document. Allow the court to help you set the boundaries you need to protect your D's. Get back to the Jarhead that was detached and happy. You're going to have times when she just p*sses you off to no end. Allow yourself that but remember that you don't have to be pulled into the game. It's gonna be the same old crap until when/if she gets a clue. She's predictable.. she's gonna do what benefits her. You do what benefits you and the girls. BTW, great job on telling her that OM isn't to come into the house!! Maybe you could set that as a boundary.. he's not allowed in your house - ever. Then there's no need to discuss that in the future. Maybe you could tell him that he's not welcome in your house too.
Hugggs! Don't you start beating yourself up when you backslide a little bit. You're doing too well for that!
I almost posted to you last night. It's hard to see our level headed, NICE, Jarhead be yanked around by your W's inconsiderate actions. I figured you were p*ssed enough without someone pointing out that you're allowing her to yank your chain! 