She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know it's time and it's a difficult decision to make but really, it hasn't been my decision this whole time. I need to step up I guess and get things moving.

She told me last night, hours after our "not tonight" conversation, that she was sorry our plans didn't work out and that she has a lot of baggage that she has to work through. The last time she had a lot of baggage to work through she stayed here, we became closer and my heart got ripped out again when the OM showed back up. Since she is continuing to try to contact him (I believe) and since she has told me she has no interest in rediscovering love, attraction and romance with me, I feel I'm setting myself up for more disappointment by continuing the current living arrangements.

When her brother was up a few nights ago he and his GF told me the same thing. She needs to move on. In fact when her brother (a man's man) read the mail she sent me about not wanting 'rediscovery' he became a bit emotional and told me that, his sister or not, she should NOT be treating me this way and that she had no right to expect the living arrangements to continue. "You obviously love her far more than she deserves and she's treating you like sh|t for it"

Quite frankly watching her "work through her baggage" is not something I want to do any longer. I'm not sure how to approach this with her at this point. I'm thinking that a simple statement regarding the fact that we are in two different places (one of her common phrases regarding her desire to end the marriage and my desire to build a better one) may suffice. The longer she is here the longer my hope will remain. I think I should recommend that she move to her mother's to work through her baggage and to see where she comes out at the end.

The baggage she is referring to, of course, is the end of her affair - something I did not have anything to do with (I take my responsibility for the marriage but not for infidelity of any kind).

Frank_D and Rob1231 (I think) recommend staying in the house together so the changes I've made can be more readily seen. I like the theory of course but I'm not sure that I can detach as well as they did to make it workable.

Got a lot of thinking to do.