Oh honey, I'm sorry for your pain. I so understand your confusion. I'm not sorry that soldier boy cancelled. He's only a figment of your imagination anyway. However "real" he is, he's equally a figment. So, is your H. The H you have in your mind is only your conjecture of who your H is. If he won't let you in on the secret of who he really is you will live in this two planets orbiting something that society calls "marriage" and it will have no life or meaning of its own. You have no shared meanings. I understand this because that is the "reality" that I am living too. My H and I are living this reality too.
Baby, soldier boy doesn't have the answer. Your H doesn't have the answer. The answer is in YOU. I can apply the same to myself. That is why I have quit even bothering much with H. In the end it isn't about him. I have to decide how I will live, what I will tolerate, what I value and how sex fits into that. After all, if my faith and lifelong M and shared parenting is more important then I can have as much sex as I want can't I? I can carry on a long affair with someone with great discretion or I can mb every day, three times/day if I want. If I believe that what I value is really connection and I believe that sex has something to do with connection then I have to work on connection itself. Anywho - it is up to ME. It isn't about H.
The other day I watched "the Banger sisters" - get it, an assortment of chick flicks, a bottle of wine, your favorite snacks and a box of kleenex. Cry out your disillusionment then, pick yourself up tomorrow and figure things out.
