I've read pretty much all of your sitch MMc, seeing many similarities with my own. I fear that your tag line will have another entry for when the OM is back, or the next OM. You need to force the issue of her moving out, otherwise she will continue to use that on you, she will continue to use the 'best interest of the kids' on you too. As long as she stays in the same house with access to everything, she will continue to suck from the marriage and you, while pursuing outside relationships either with the same OM or one that is a little more local. You will find yourself still here months from now with the situation pretty much the same, and one day she will find an outside relationship that works and be gone, since as long as you enable her behavior without consequences she won't feel a need to work on the R. My post is already much longer than i wanted, but here is what I think you should 1. reality check, force her to move out. 2. continue your own GAL 3. continue counseling, and if no progress then just go dark.
Of course forcing her to move out is easier said than done, esp from an emotional point of view. PS you should have kicked her out when she wanted to drive 8 hours to go f&ck the guy.
