I told H I just feel so lonely, so unloved. He started to cry at that point and said he just doesn't know if he can fix it. He shows me love in his own way all the time but just not in the way I feel I need - sexually. So nothing is any different, even after all the drama of today. And I'm still lost. I don't know what to do anymore.
What you did today was play SoldierBoy weak bunny. He responded as many/most men will respond to weak bunny. I may be wrong but I don't like the advice that Stigmata offered along the lines of "spank your submissive H's monkey and then he'll rise to wolf and spank yours". In some situations that might be appropriate but not in your situation because I think you want your H to vibe dominant so that you can feel more secure more than you actually want sex. I also don't think that telling your H to read something like takeninhand so that he can learn how to act more dominant is appropriate at the moment. I think what you need to do is play your H strong bunny until he feels more secure in the role of St. Bernard and then play him healthy monkey to which he should respond with a healthy dominance. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that being strong bunny is a matter of just making sure to go to the beauty parlor and pamper yourself. That's just kind of what you need to do to feel right for the role. A good example of "playing a guy bunny" would be to just sit in a car until he opened the door for you (remembering that you aren't in the role of 'Mommy teaching manners' but rather 'girl with pretty dress that will get rumpled with physical exertion') then thank him nicely. What I have found to be the case is that most men will naturally do a variety of things like this and all you really have to do is just "let them play you bunny". Basically, if you let a guy establish dominance by being non-sexual/useful then he will be more comfortable expressing dominance in a sexual/forceful manner. It's like guys have some kind of automatic semi-conscious counter that calculates along the lines of 8 car doors opened + 2 theater tickets purchased + 1 lawn mowed = 1 hot sexual encounter. The funny thing is that the equation works forwards and backwards so HD monkey girls can use it too. You just have to be a little bit organized and self-disciplined and self-aware. Like I was good about letting the guy I met today fetch me coffee but if I really wanted to make him horny I should have asked him to bring me a cookie too on the second run. Also, I probably should have been a little less obvious that I was checking out his *ss when he went to the counter. Oh well, can't always be in top form.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
