I can see that being tough when you have had the space as all yours for such a period of time.
I think you really have to have a good sit down with him and tell him he has to start putting in more effort because you are having a hard time with it. Either that or you will have to find something that can make you comfortable with his habits or somethings gonna give.
respectful? no. I don't think we see eye to eye on many things anymore. I couldn't even really enjoy christmas. He sucked the joy right out of it. We were at friends and he interuppted me- I called him out on it and he kept doing it- even justifying his interuption (to brag about the gift he bought me and about how much I would like it). I even turned to him and told him that he was taking any joy I could have about this gift away just by his continual bragging about it since it was so annoying.
So we get to the gift (remember I bailed him out of 2 months rent and a 350$ phone bill). He spent $250 on a 4 photo series of the world series. Oh did I also mention his credit card company is calling me instead of him 12 times a day since they have his info messed up?? (Yup- and he's 1. not straightening it out with them, 2) not calling them to pay, 3. not doing a dam thing.) Oh and this card he got using my information as well AFTER he moved out.
so yes, I'm pissed.
And no I didn't expect him to magically change, but I expected some change. Some added responsibility- and I ain't seein it.
I also thought I could handle him not changing through DB. Well, that part has changed and now I realize I don't want to change the way I react- I don't want to have to deal with it at all. I'm done. I now refuse to put up with it anymore.
I cried in the bathroom today for about 30 minutes. I can't do this again.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Sox, I haven't posted to you in a very long time and happened upon your thread again. Is your H willing to go to M counselling with you? Or have you guys been and done that? ~PH
Sox, you should not have to go through that again. You do what you need to do here. It may be time for a very serious heart to heart conversation with him and to take control of your life again.
You deserve more than what you are getting here and he either has to step up to the plate or go away. You worked hard to get him home, but you wanted him home in a loving relationship with respect, adoration, and passion. If this is not what you are getting or see the possibility of getting then maybe you need to make him clearly understand that you are ok on your own and reconciled because you believed he was ready to be the man you needed him to be. Lay it on the line with him.
No more crying, you do not deserve that, and my phone is on 24/7 kiddo call me whenever you need to.
Plenty- We've done individual therapy. I started, asked him, he said no. Then a year later I told him I was done and handed him filled out D papers to complete. He found a C and then asked me to go-- individually to his. Yes, I switched- to no improvement. The C basically agreed with me and told him so in his individual session. She told him it looked like I had my life together and was ready to move on if he continued his life this way. We are supposed to go to this same women together- but he was to make the appointment. I go back to work on the 7th and as of yet, no word as to whether he followed through. I've decided I'm not making the appt. and I'm not reminding him. If he wants it he has to do it.
Trip- he never read the DB book. and I've never asked him to do KLA. I was going to but then realized that I still don't trust him. Maybe that's part of the problem. I still haven't decided if I want to trust him with "me". I'm tired of getting hurt by his words and the way he treats me when I do open up. And yes, I have talked to him about it again- he tried to justify his actions- I walked away.
Ian- thanks. You're right. He once told me that the man I married was gone and he didn't think he'd ever be back. Well, I don't like the new guy. I can't live with the new guy. I can't love the new guy. I think he needs to know that.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
my parents are in town (oh joy) and staying with my sister (yippee) So my mom calls and says they are going to a movie. The kids are going to go see The Golden Compass and they are going to go see that Sweeney movie.
I ask what kids? Mom replies the 4 kids. I ask if S and M are going (my high school aged nephews) She replies no, they are out with friends.
So my mom was planning on putting my 12 yr old S in charge of his 10 yr old sister, and 10 and 8 yr old cousins in the theatre by themselves while they went and saw another movie.
My mom reassure me by saying they'd give S my sisters cell phone since S's was dead and did I want to go.
1- they were leaving then- and I wasn't dressed 2- no desire to see that movie 3- and NO MY KIDS ARE NOT GOING TO THE MOVIE BY THEMSELVES
My mom replied that I was babysitting at his age. I replied not in a movie theater in a large city. (plus my niece and nephew have no sense of behavior).
So I hung up, D went to throw on some clothes and I vented to H. He told me to just tell my mom. Uh, like I didn't already think of that. So I reply, what so I get to be the Bitch once again when I say no since my mother already had told S he gets to be in charge. I just love how once again I have to go with what everyone else wants or I'm the insane one. There was no way I could be ready by the time they got to the house. None. I needed a shower- and no I couldn't go without just to a movie (the ladies will understand).
So H got dressed quickly and drove down after them. I thanked him as he left
not sure how he really felt, but he didn't belittle my thoughts on the whole thing. He didn't mock. He actually took action when I couldn't.
Then my mother starts in about me going to my aunts tonight and how my aunt will be disappointed if I don't show up. Holy fu**!!! My aunt lives 12 houses down the street and never comes to my house, never comes to my kids b-day parties, never gets them a gift. My sister and her kids live 10 houses down the street. My aunt is always there and at their b-day parties and getting them gifts. Disappointed??????????? She'll be disappointed???????????? Bite me.
I am so tired of my family.
I need a drink!
Oh, I was going to ask if any other parents see a problem with doing that movie thing-- or was I being over protective??
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Got to love family!! NOT!!!! That sucks, Sox! I move in from another province and my Grandmother and Aunt did dick all. Not a call. When I finally call them after getting settled their first words were, we were wondering if you would ever call. Huh?? Like they couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone?? Needless to say, they live a half hour away and I haven't seen or spoken to them in years. Bleh! I have enough headaches!
Can't answer for the kid thing but I do agree it was nice for your husband to step up when you couldn't. That means something, right?
Hey sox, not sure if you were aware or not, but there is a big article about "the golden compass". It was based on a book written by an atheist and in his third book they actually kill god. The authors goal with the movie is to get kids to buy the books so they will learn why not to believe in god. Pretty bad story, my kids were going to see it and I told them they couldnt. Blech......
