wants to "talk" tomorrow

[forward]

H stopped by tonight and stayed longer than he ever has. I was in another room reading.

Said he wanted me to explain taxes. Surprised me because a) it's early b) he is actually showing some responsibility there. Probably because he wants D, sigh.

Also surprised me by asking who Rob was. D2 was talking about Rob and he wanted to know who that it. Rob is a kid in day care. I told him that. Then I realized it was probably a little bit of jealousy on his part, wondering who this man was!

Had a beer here this evneing, which surprised me. Otherwise I did not talk much.

I am going to make a point of looking him in the eye again. I want this to be the confident Breton who can do that.

[TRUSTING]

Breton,

You sound good. Try not to become crazy from your H's antics.
I think my H kept talking about divorce due to control issues as well as to justify in his mind his affair. "Well I can have sex with someone else because I am going to get divorced".

I had to file to save the finances. He was spending like crazy and trying to use up all the equity in the house. He would have if I would have let him. I would have lost everything.

Even though I don't like it, I am much better off divorced financially and emotionally. I am good with money and can make a dollar stretch if I have to. My H became so irresponsible the last couple of years.

[forward]

Well, I think H is a little calmer now because he got paid. He seems to panic when he is running out of money.

Today when H came over, I made myself scarce, as DB C suggested.

H seemed to stay a little longer. I came down to make dinner. He looked at it longingly (and he was the one who used to complain endlessly about my inability to cook). Then, busy MLCer that he is, he took off.

Not much to report. I am not looking as if I am ignoring him but neither am I trying any more.

Talked to MIL today. I think they are coming back out to help H w/D in January. Each time H drops hints that indicate to me that they are helping him get D. They will pony up the money and all that, I think.

But I am still having trouble looking him in the eye.

[Grace_O]

Sounds like you're doing ok. I know what you mean about looking them in the eye. I make a point when he's here of looking directly at him when I talk even though he seems to have more trouble looking back at times.

Is he going for custody is that what the money is for?

[forward]

He hasn't initiated anything except visiting a L once.

He doesn't want custody. He thinks that if we D, his financial situation will be better. Very naive.

And very sad that he cannot put our beautiful D first.

[Grace_O]

My H has said he doesn't want custody either. It is beyond sad what they are giving up in their children.

[hopefloats7]

Ladies,
Hugs.
My take on this is that the selfish part of MLC is taking over when they tell you they don't want custody. They love their children; however, the crisis is pushing them to "run", and they surely can't do that if they have custody of children. They leave them in your hands because they can count on you to take the very best care of them. No, it isn't fair. But they are trying to escape.
My H couldn't even take care of our dog that he demanded stay with him. Guess who has the dog now?
It's very sad. I'm sorry for what they are doing to you and the children. But I'd rather see the kids stay with the sane parent.

[forward]

Yes, I think I am doing quite well without H but H seems to be struggling.

I feel bad that he is having trouble but at the same time, I will try to send the message that I know he will work it out. He needs to hear that, I think.

And he needs to be able to do that before he comes back. i think he will want to come back at some point or at least have regrets, whether or not he voices them to me--it might be a long while but I do think it will happen.

My thought is whether I will WANT him back. I still have doubts. I think of the negatives--it just seemed I couldn't do anything right, according to H, for a very long time. It is a good feeling to not have to deal with that kind of criticism.

[forward]

H dropped off D2 who cried and begged him to stay.

Hung around. Asked what I was doing tonight, to my surprise....

Unfortunately I am not doing anything. But I am OK with that. I did, however, find myself thinking that it'd be fun to have a glamorous outfit to wear, hmm.

[forward]

Actually, I will add that I am OK with staying home.

I am unfortunately without a good movie so I am bored, but otherwise D2 is asleep and I am looking forward to nesting tomorrow.