I just want to remind everyone that it is not about the "sex" (well a little) it is about the physical intimacy...a hug...a kiss...a hand placed on the shoulder...maybe I need or want more than the average person...maybe h needs or wants less than the average person...
yes h's lack of interest in "sex" was something that I did find a good quality in him way back when...when he wanted it to be special...when it was waited for til it was right...but there is no need to wait anymore...
anyway..had a stressfull day...mil was late to watch the kids...that stressed me...hate having to depend on others to get things done for myself...then off to a three hour exsensive physical for the ambulance co...argued with h a bit over the "physical" issue on the phone...then appologized...then snuck in to meet h while he waited for the chinese food he was picking up for dinner...was a nice little break no kids...not a night out..just a surprise visit.
came home ate...cleaned up...then h just came over and hugged me saying LL, LL, LL, I'm sorry you feel so bad..
I had to let h know that I am not misserable there are just some things that I'm not happy with...that when he doesn't hug me or kiss me etc...I start to feel ugly, fat, dirty, undesireable etc.
so h hugged me a big nice hug...let me know that he's here because he loves me and he's sorry I feel bad.
this is really hard...I try not to think about ow and all that has happend but the fact that these things did happen and I am not clear on h's feelings about it all...makes our original or rather my original issues harder to deal with.
I am trying...h is trying...it's friggen snowing...AGAIN!!!!
