so here I am again lonely while h has fallen asleep on the couch in the cave once again...looks like things are back to the stagnant form they had before h left...
I will admit I went out to the truck and checked the cell phone...nothing interesting there so I checked the console and found a bottle of kaluha...interesting...h would just say one of his guys left it in the truck...ya whatever dude!! so I just took it and put it in the trash....let's just say one of the guys found it and took it!!
so I am very tempted to take h's keys and get in my car and drive down to his "shop" and check the place out...look up some phone bills...look through the desk drawers and see if I come up with anything interesting??? I know that anyone who reads this will tell me not to and that is fine but then it will be morning and I will already have gone or gone to sleep...really though there is no point in my going to "find" anything on h as his total apathy says it all...doesn't matter if there's ow in the pic or not...I clearly am not in his pic as anything other than caregiver to children and him. he's even resorted to calling me mama again...god I hate that...it's fine if it's in reference to the kids or if the kids are around but I aint his momma and never did like him calling me that...gggrrrr!!! actually I really wish I did have the balls to drive down to his shop wish I did find something spicy then I'd have a real reason to throw him out...other than his just being a tired man...who'd rather fall asleep watching cnn/foxnews than spending some time with me.
I'm annoyed, I'm sure h is annoyed too!!!
h was working outside again today burning more brush and cutting down some trees...I made him coffee and brought it out...he said thank you as I waited for a kiss...said I wanted more so he gave me more of a real kiss...I let him know that I want more of that...and said that's why I was such a bitxh...(not that I was I was just distant) h said "I'm working on it" wtf??????????????? so I made lunch for son....then dd woke so I made her lunch....then I made lunch for h, fil, and one of h's young employees, then I started dinner...cooked in the damn kitchen all day long...did all the friggen dishes...made dessert and coffee...cleaned all that up...gave dd a bath and put her to bed while h poked the fire outside....then h took his shower with son and put him to bed...h threw some logs in the fireplace and then went to the basement to watch cnn/foxnews...I called a friend and talked for a while...h is now asleep in the cave...he fell asleep on the couch last night too...don't know what time he came up to bed...I feel like locking the basement door!!! but then the cat will poop in the shower so I have to leave it open!!
I really wish the "shop" were closer I could use the adrenalin rush of going through his sh!t even if I didn't find anything..but it would take me 30+min to get there an hour to rummage through his crap and then 30+min to get back so it's really not worth it!!
tell me again why I let him come home??? oh ya cause he really had me thinking that he'd changed...guess it is true "people never change" so then I guess I should go back to voicing my opinion about things around here and hurry him up out the door!!!
