I see that things are really tough for you right now. phbear gave you a lot of good feedback and ideas. She's right about a lot of things, including the fact that you have to learn to be gentle with yourself, not beat yourself up for feeling lonely and depressed, for having a hard time opening up to your therapist, etc. You took a huge step when you even started counseling; you took another huge step looking into meds.
It's so much easier to be totally open and honest when the forum is anonymous and you're opening up to your keyboard. Doing that in person---with your therapist or anyone else---is *hard.* You're getting there, and you'll make one step at a time.
I like the idea of writing your feelings down when they ambush you, then sharing that with your therapist. A variation on that might be to print out a post or two from here and give them to your T. That would allow you to share those feelings with your T *and* avoid wallowing in them when they strike. I suggest this because of the suicidal thoughts you're struggling with; perhaps exploring those feelings in person with your T and getting tools to deal with them would be more useful that putting them down in words when you're alone.
You've realized that you relied on W to buffer you from your own unhappiness. Of course you'll need to create your own happiness, like we all do. I'm not surprised by the late-night all-alone thoughts that overwhelm you. That's the time we face our demons, and when we're struggling just figuring out how to deal with them, they feel overwhelmingly scary. You're staring into the maw of your deepest fears. The good news is you see them, and you have a therapist who can help you deal with them. The meds will help, too.
Keep posting, MMan. This work that we're all doing is the most important there is, and we all struggle sometimes. Do your best to keep your thoughts positive (good suggestions, phbear): it's a skill that takes work and practice, and it'll get easier, like everything else.
One other thing I do is when I am feeling good, I write notes to myself for when I'm down---funny how when you're down you can remember being up but not quite how you got there or why you were.
