Still Dancin'

[ewe]

Hi GD,

will try to chime in ... I am sorry in advance if I say something that goes against your beleifs guys.

It was the only gift I received this year, which is one more than I received last year.

I am so sorry, (((GD))). I know you are in good place right now, but it still hurt to read that.

I think this D being final has given her that final bit of space/separation that was necessary to move on and focus on herself as an individual and single parent -- someone who is responsible for 50% of the kid's time and how that time is spent. I'm so happy that, for the sake of the kids, she is finally conscious of this and cares about it. She isn't taking it lightly, and that is simply awesome!

I am so happy for that!!! This is really important for the kids and it also makes you worry less so it is good.

XW then let herself into the rest of the house (which kind of annoyed me -- afterall, it isn't her house anymore), and met my friend.

I think you should talk to her about this. No, it isn't her house. If you have a real date there, your date could feel really uncomfortable to see your wife walking in like it's her territory.

He even came through town and spent a few nights at her house before flying back east to visit family for Xmas.

That says a lot.

I feel like I'm having an EA with her, which makes me feel guilty.

Feelings are not facts, but there's no smoke without fire. You are an intelligent, smart person who's learned a lot about Rs and about hidden aspects of these Rs, so if you feel guilty, you should listen to yourself a bit. No need to get in the middle of a messy sitch right after coming out of another one. Take things easy.

I'd like to tell her that I like her a lot and would like things to move past a friendship, but don't want to interfere with her working on things with her semi-bf. I guess I know the answer to this question, but should I just come out and say this and risk it ruining the current R we have, or just continue on with the R as it is now and waiting to see if she'll make the move to bring this up.

I would wait. I would keep the distance, just friendship and see where that goes. But that's just my take, you can easily go in the other direction and have a wonderful R and life with the girl.
My C told me that healing begins only after D was finalized even if you were separated way before, so I think you are still vulnerable. You might not feel so right now, but you are. There are many girls out there, no need to start the heavy stuff yet. The sitch will fold out by itself. I even think you are more attractive when you don't chase she will make a move after a while if she likes you.

I feel like we both want to bring this up, but are both afraid of the other just wanting friendship.

There's body language and signals that convey the message without spelling it out. So if you want more than friendship you are probably showing it. Or you could work on showing it

I suppose that it's only fair for both of us that I ask, but again, I'm afraid of what that will do to the good, platonic R we already have.

If she is not going to date you and doesn't want to leave her current Bf, will you still want to be her friend quite as much?

Someone help me! I'm pathetic!

No you are not. You are in fact sweet. And you have been through a very painful divorce that makes you vulnerable and maybe a bit unsure about your feelings.

I hope my comments can help you some, it was a long day for me and that is all that popped into my mind right now.

Ewe