IMO you should gently point out that even though your way is not her way that doesn't make it wrong. For instance that example you had of washing a pan and she freaked about how to use the soap.
Explain more examples of your W. I get the impression she feels like if she doesn't maintain 'her' way of controlling all of the males in the house she thinks it will all go heywire. If she lets something go just once then one of you will step on the boundary line and soon be out of control!
How's the todo list coming? have you designated some things for everyone? especially the 2 oldest, keep them so tired they won't have enough energy to...ackhem.
