A personal journey through Karen's eyes

[Dom R]

Ok, fresh post, for Karen's sake

I'm going to cut to the chase now, since I believe your H has sufficient motivation to make the approach work.

A bit of background of myself.
I was raised Catholic,and was a practising Catholic into my 30s.(although I currently mostly attend a lutheran church now).
At one point, I even considered seminary myself.
So... I am very cognizant of the mindset of a traditionally raised Catholic male.

The catholic tradition (at least from a lay person's perspective) mostly focuses on externals). "sit up straight, do what you're told, 'be good'".
It doesnt focus highly on a personal relationship with God.. at least in this country.
There are some Catholics who do have that... my Aunts, in particular, are wonderful examples of this.
Additionally, it doesnt emphasize an in-depth knowledge of the bible. In some ways, it actually DIScourages it. Some people might even claim that "the church" discourages believers from drawing their own conclusions from the bible.

AAAAnnnyway.. my core point is, that someone can be "in the church" for decades, yet still not be fully versed in some aspects of biblical teaching. They can "get it wrong", through a combination of chance, and ignorance (and also a bit of bad teaching and personal pride can get in the way too!)

There are parts of the bible.. very specifically about marriage... that I had barely heard about, and hadnt thought about much. And/or other bits, that I had read/heard of, but thought "that's not what it really means", due to pride, and other lazy people going along with that attitude.

Getting a fresh perspective on those bits of the bible, radically changed my outlook on marriage. In ways that I never imagined, to degrees that I would never have considered. This was in my 30s, after having been a Catholic since my cradle.

Karen, it sounds like your husband is the way he is sexually, because he believes it's ok to be that way, and that he isnt obligated to you in that area.
Biblically speaking, he is totally wrong.

The bible is very, very clear, that a husband is supposed to meet the needs of his wife in all areas, in every way that he can. Furthermore, it explicitly mentions sexual gratification, as a specific duty that he owes you.


Karen, there's lots of secular ways you could approach your problem in the bedroom, which may or may not work. I hope you'll believe me, however, that if you approached your sexual non-satisfaction from a biblical standpoint, you are guaranteed results. It sounds like your H is a strong enough believer that, once you clear his eyes in that area, you are going to be amazed at the change that will take place in him there

Your biggest, and pretty much only, challenge, is to pick a source that he will view as worth listening to.

I feel really happy for you. I know for certain now, that you do not have to stuck with your H being sexually vulcan for the rest of your life