I don't have much practical support to offer, but I can genuinely say I understand how you feel. I have done many things to try to appeal to my H on "that" level...I won't go into lots of detail, as I gather we may end up with a water shortage...but you know, tried to appeal to his sense of fantasy. For our tenth anniversary, we went to Vegas, and I had packed a few things, including the sexiest nightie I have ever seen, with see-thru lace on top ... H barely acknowledged I was there after I changed into it, only to say he was going to the casino. OUCH!!! And I am not hideous...as with you, I have had my share of admirers. Unfortunately H was not one of them. I don't get it! (nor do I understand )
I have not read The Sex Starved Marriage, but given Michele's wisdom in DB and DR, she is the first person I would turn to if H was still here and I was working on this. I hope and wish that your H will read it, or that your c can help to open his eyes. By most men's standards, your H is lucky to have a wife who enjoys sex (am I right, guys?)