Trying to Cope, but It's Too Hard

[seekpeaceofmind]

I don't know if I should pack his stuff up, and put it in boxes or leave it in the closet.

You don't have to do anything right now except take care of you and your child. I would try to focus on actions that feel positive to you. Some changes might be very positive and help with your sense of control and independence. hope2wrkitout has given you some good suggestions. I think I was also reading suggestions from other posters on this site about changing your environment some - rearrange the furniture, paint, get new bed linens, etc.
One of the books that was recommended to me after my H left was "The Secret." It's about the law of attraction - "like attracts like." It's very consistent with a lot of the advice in DB. The one thing that struck me most was in the relationship chapter and the caution to make sure that your actions don't contradict your desires. The example given was of a woman who wanted a relationship but was living totally as a single person - room in the garage for only one car, all of the closet space totally in use, and sleeping in the middle of the bed - there was no room in her current life for another person. She made space and, low and behold, after she took action to behave as if her perfect partner were already in her life, along he came. This story has helped me to resist my impulses to pack up all of my H's stuff and put it in the garage. By leaving it where it is, I am hoping to signal both to him and to me that we'll work things out and he'll be able to step back with a minimum of fanfare - which I think would be hard for him. Also, when he left, he made a big point of leaving clothes and possessions behind so that it would be as if he still lives here. Over the months (3 so far), he has taken more things and most of his clothes are now gone, but not all and I like seeing his things when I look around. I know that eventually, probably in a few weeks, I will need to move him out but it won't be in haste or out of anger. . . . That's just what is right for me, though.

You don't want whoever this man is back. You want a changed man back. As hard as this is going to be start approaching life like you are single and as though you have accepted divorce from this man. You do want to be divorced from THIS man, and if you show him you don't want the man that he is now maybe he will do some changing.

This is a good point and one that I have also been trying to use in managing my own reactions. This weekend I found myself thinking that I need to accept that whether we divorce or not, my first marriage as I knew it is over - and there are some positives in that because it obviously had problems. I hope we get back together, but I definitely think of it in terms of starting over in a "second" marriage in which we are both better partners in a new & improved R.