Stacy22 - Just a note from boobear - I called my W yesterday at 7pm. Earlier in the day we had talked about taking a walk with our dogs later in the afternoon and I had asked her to go to a movie with me in the evening. Needless to say, by 7 it was dark and too late for dog walk and too late to catch a movie. I left a stupid message for her to call me if she was able to find the time in her "social calendar". She was either out with her BF or her parents - both of whom do not care for me. I couldn't stop from calling her. I tried the prayers and asked for His strength and I still gave in and called. Its easy to talk but hard to do the walk I guess.
I don't understand why prayer helps me at the moment I close my eyes but then I give in to temptation so quickly. I guess He's either laughing at me or knows I am weak so He pities me.
I really don't know how someone who has lived a whole life of lies can ever change. But you have to believe its possible, even when it doesn't make sense. I think your H and my W will see the light - maybe too late for us to save our marriages - but you have to believe that the people we married are still living inside the aliens our spouses have become. God won't give us more than we can handle (not a quoter so don't have a reference for that) but He does want us to know He loves us.
My W comes by for several hours a day (except yesterday) and I help out at her house sometimes too. She barely speaks to S16 and D14 for days at a time - even when I travel on business I called everyday and spoke to each of them, if just for a minute.
I hope His plans are revealed soon though - I am having terrible self-loathing issues and nightmares. It is scary and painful and I wish a few prayers would make our situations get resolved.
I don't know how I will ever trust W again either and she doesn't have your H's track record. I hope God will give both you and I the strength to forgive (not forget) and we can become whole again. I will pray for you again and hope that your H will realize that the life he is leading is not what God intended. Same with my W - I pray for her everynight and ask God to bring her peace and happiness. Maybe He knows best and our spouses were not meant to stay with us. I don't know. My heart hurts so bad I think I have a car parked on my chest. I have lost almost 50 lbs in 2 months (not trying just can't eat anymore and I could afford to lose another 20 lbs) and I love my W more today than I did when I married her 20 1/2 years ago. I HATE THAT I DO MOST OF THE TIME!!!
Keep praying and let things continue to fall apart if they must. I am going to do the same. Remember that even if our spouses don't love us, God does and our families and friends do too. I can't replace my best friend in the world like I thought I could but maybe we were meant to walk alone with our children for a while in the wilderness while things get set up for a new stage in our lives.
I bought the DB books yesterday (online) so maybe some of the DB things will help keep me from calling her and making a fool of myself when they arrive. Doubt it though ;-) I am very good at making a fool of myself. I think that's one of the gifts that God gave me.
Keep praying and love your child like there is nothing left in the world but them.
Remember - pray. Then cry. And then pray some more. Repeat as necessary.