here's the letter I mentioned before...it was written in 93 we were married in 97 and it is now 2003 (it's taken h a while but I think he gets it) I belive I was 20 when I wrote this so forgive it's ignorance if you find some...
dear bf,
I don't know if I should actually be writing to you since you've just left my house angry at me but I don't know what else to do. It seems that whenever I try to tell you how I feel about our r you just get pissed off at me and we end up in a big fight you leave and I feel worse because I know you don't listen to how I feel you listen to what I say makes me feel that way! when I tell you that I am unhappy and that the reason I am unhappy is because I am bored and tired and feel insignigicant/unimportant not very interesting etc/ when you do certain things that you do ie watching footbal (or other sports) watching the weather, falling asleep, not wanting to do things w/me, or even just talk to me. It bothers me even more that not only do you do those things/or not do things/ you don't realize how they might ake me feel. and even when I tell you (time and time again) how they make me feel you continue to do them because you want to. that is when I feel as though you don't care how I feel, like I don't mean anything to you anymore.
look- it is very obvious that we do not have much in common at all.we don't share any interests we don't like the same things and quiet frankly it sucks because we are both two stubborn people set in our ways- you will continue to wathc sports when you are with me despite the way it makes me fee you will continue to do all the things you want to do that hurt my feelings because those things are a part of you. you will continue to not want to do certain things that I want you to do because they are not you. what it all bears down to is this- when we first met we enjoyed eachothers company shared eachothers interests because they were new (although even then I hated when you watched the news, weather and sports) In the begining we where very concious of eachothers feelings because we were new to eachother and didn't know just how the other would react to certain things. there was a comfortable amount of give and take now after almost 4 1/2 years we are comfortable enough with eachother that we fail to realize that all the little things we do that hurt eachother are insignificant the don't really matter. you want to watch football because that's YOUR interest so you do, despite the fact that it is not MY desire AT ALL, I know that you don't realize how what you do affects me, and that it is not at all intentional but it still hurts me. I just wish you could spend some time to really think about how I feel and maybe then I wouldn't be feeling this way! I don't mean to blame you for everything and I'm not I am simply pointing out how what you do effects me.
I do love you, Love LL
ps. please don't get mad just think about what I've said Im not trying to hurt you I just don't want to feel hurt anymore.
keep in mind that this letter was written 4 years before we married...at the time I was living at home and h was too...so when we were together wich was not every night...I was devistated to have h come to my house or me go to his so he could fall asleep or sit and watch football or the weather...I have since accepted the fact that no h is not at my disposal everynight and it is ok for him to go watch and do what he wants to do...I don't have to sit through it unless I want to...but h has only now started to once again give...now he will accept invitation to go to a movie or out somewhere and not just sit on the couch and fall asleep...actually lately...I've been the one to fall asleep on the couch!!
