Quoting lostlove: when h's reason for d was stated to me as "i love you I'm not in love with you" my response to him was simply this...I'm not in love with you either...I just happen to love you.
didn't matter to him...suppose now those "in love" feelings he had for ow don't matter much as he is home now...
thing is I want him to have those in love feelings for me!!
There are so many definitions of love/in love that it’s hard to figure out what the missing piece is. Your post got me to thinking… Love is based on how you feel about your spouse. S/he is caring, responsible, loving, etc. etc. etc. “In love” is about how your spouse makes you feel.
If your H has those in love feelings for you, you feel loved and will be in love with him. If you can throw away the scorecard, you will continue to love your spouse. But if things seem to be one-sided, you can’t maintain “in love” for very long.
Quoting lostlove: despite the many times I felt like giving up...not doing for him anymore...I still do...when he angers me..frustrates me...I still return home from the store with a nice work jacket for him...did he ask? no, did he need it?? he may not have thought so but he sure did appreciate it when he wore it out plowing..and even commented on how comfy it was.
when do I get mine??
Why do you want yours? If you want a jacket, go out and buy one. But that’s not the point, is it? The point is that you want to feel loved and appreciated. You want this so you can be in love with your H.
Quoting lostlove: by all reasoning...I should have been a waw...the only reason I wasn't is because some how somewhere along the way I learned what love was really all about...I knew this long before I even reached marrying age...I even wrote a note to h about it...though then I didn't use such terms as love languages or love vs. in love...I used words like comfortable...give and take...respect...etc.
I kept giving...h kept continuing to stop giving...gave in his own way on his own terms...resentment grew from me...pushing him away...it's a wonder we even got married...guess that was the love still holding strong...but even after all this...I'm still not feeling like I'm getting as much as I give...should it matter??
I suppose not...but sometimes it does.
Comfortable = love Respect = love Give and take = in love
