Sadly, he is both. But the children love him. They can't see this and I'm not sure how to handle it sometimes. He called last week asking lots of questions about S and I finally told him that he had never done anything for him and as far as I'm concerned, it was none of his business.
Mickey this jealousy of their children seems to be a feature of MLC for some men.
For my h [who prior to MLC would have walked across hot coals for his kids] I think it came from a variety of sources. Jealousy of their youth, jealousy of their easy and intimate relationship with me, jealousy of their freedom in exploring new relationships, jealousy of the fun they had, which he did not have at their age. Jealousy of my middle son's success, jealousy of my eldest son's engagement . . and so on.
All this was at a time when his professional career was disintegrating, he was getting older, my mother was dying [took up a lot of my emotional energy] His sense of self was fragmenting, and all his childhood issues bubbled to the surface.
Basically, instead of growing up he regressed . . .
Mickey it sounds to me as if your h may be regretting his behaviour. It is sad when they leave it too late.
Angelica...you are amazing. Your post is extremely enlightening. He was always jealous of them....even as infants.
Now that Alex is a young man, I see his dad projecting his thoughts and feelings onto him. He is suspicious of Alex...he says he knows how he's thinking. He truly doesn't know him at all. Alex is very tender-hearted, caring and honest.
Mickey, Happy New Year! Enjoy your book; that was thoughtful. I, too, plan to make this a far better year. God bless all of us as we continue on in this journey. love, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi Hope....Happy New Year to you as well. I keep up with your thread altho I don't post. I can't seem to find any words of wisdom. You are handling it all well.
We do need God's blessings to get thru this and I believe that we will all fare better in the upcoming year.
Mickey - I have been thinking a litle more about this jealousy thing - I think it is that they are not fully adult, and so not fully parents. A bit of them wants to be the child, and looked after [remember how the MLCer so often identifies the LBS as the parent] but they also want to rebel against the parent . . .
But the emotionally underdeveloped part of them cannot be a father or a spouse, because that part is stuck in childhood . .
I don't know if you ever felt that there was something clingy about your h, while at the same time rejecting and nervous of real intimacy?
I don't know if you ever felt that there was something clingy about your h, while at the same time rejecting and nervous of real intimacy?
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Absolutely. But I have to make a distinction. The children's father is a whole different 'nut' and who I have been discussing above. My ex fiance was both clingy and nervous about intimacy.
