Whoever asked if he's a big dude, no. He's actually quite a bit smaller than me. He's just an ass. As for his kids, his Ex had them. I don't think he got to do Xmas with them until Wednesday or Thursday.
Hope to be getting the treadmill sometime soon.
Not much to report. I've come to the realization that my W only contacts me when she wants something. Babysitting, money, some of her stuff. I've thought back over the last month or two and any extended visitation I've had with her has been for her to get something.
Supposedly, the separation proposal will be finished next week and sent over for my review. She said something to the effect of "since you want this done so fast". In the past, I thought this comment was due to her not wanting it. Now I realize that's not the case. She simply doesn't want to be impacted.. financially or otherwise. She's just fine living life the way it is with no penalties.
I'm a nice guy by nature, which is a big issue for me. I continue to let her take advantage in certain situations. One because I think it may help our situation, the other, is just plain nice guy.
These recent realizations have made me jaded towards her. It's very obvious to me now.. she has no interest in me. I said a while back that she uses her "friends". Well.. that's where I stand with her now.
It is hard for me to be nice with her now. I know I need to be in a good mood and pleasant, but it's hard right now.
I have decided to be a little more proactive with protecting the girls. There are some potential issues coming up that I have no problems nailing down if needed.
Rambling I know.. anyway... lastly.. I'm ready to start dating now. I need to put this past me. I get to a good level and then let her back in and it hurts. I don't want to let her in anymore. Not unless she were to commit unconditionally. That's not going to happen.
Side story on that... took D's to the mall to meet W. W and MIL signed them up for dance classes (on my night without consulting me BTW) and they needed shoes etc. Of course the only reason I was involved was to pay my half.. see above. OM was there with his kids, but he stayed out of the picture.. it was actually kind of funny.. we were leaving to head to the playland and W said "That's where they are!" I decided to take them to the carousel at the food court. On the way she shouts "They are there now!!" So we went to the playland instead!
While at the playland, these two women sat next to me.. now the one was GORGEOUS. Single, but from the sounds of the conversation, she's dating someone. This is where the nice guy in me drops interest. Need to change that. Anyway.. D5 comes over and whispers to me "Daddy.. she's beautiful".. I was trying to get D3's shoes on so we could go potty (that's where you know you have kids and are getting older.. potty is now the word for bathroom.. even with adults.. funny in a bar!) She then asks me if she can tell the woman.. I was embarrassed and frustrated so I said "Sure".. so sure enough D5.. "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!" The woman took it nicely and said "Thank you.. you're beautiful too." I had to have been 3 shades of red. I can only imagine what she was thinking... "This dude just had his daughter hit on me for him"
The conversations between her and her friend following this were decidedly more about her BF.
I don't know if your W will ever come out of her fog.. to actually be taking a shower with OM knowing your coming over is so so disrepectful of your feelings.. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot!!!!
There are so many nice women out there, you don't need this torment!!!
I hope you have a great new year!!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks TAL. I've not had the unload on that situation yet. I will.. just waiting for the right time. I have mentioned that there have been "issues of concern" to my L, and we will discuss restrictions.
I also believe she is or has been with some other people.
The discussion about the time with OM and his kids came up. She again defended with "They are friends at school" I said OK.. what happens if I start dating someone from school? She was shocked and said "Really?" That was the end of it though.
Anyway.. one other funny thing was that I've continued the "Going out and girls will be there" stuff and the last few get togethers, she's been "looking" for gifts from another woman. She actually asked about the moonroof visor on the car.. I had that put on when WE bought the car 2 years ago. Goof.
Our Anniversary was Friday. I got her a Thank You card.. thanked her for the D's. She thanked me for the card. I got nothing (expected). Not a thank you, not a "you too" nothing.
Yet another reason I'm sure she has no interest in me whatsoever.
TAL.. you are also correct.. I don't deserve this crap. I want to make a list and commit it to memory. All the things I'm glad to be rid of with her.
She keeps making that list longer!!
This is why I'm counting down to 08. I've made some last ditch efforts to turn her around. They've not worked. So... 08 will be complete turnaround for me.
I don't know what to think about your W and her behavior. Its probably very confusing for you. However, at least in your posts, you seemed detached enough to not let it hit you hard all the time.
PS: You mentioned some last ditch efforts, mind if I ask what you did?
We had some good conversations.. I opened up and I thought we were heading somewhere. I've "helped" her out.. watching the girls while she ran some errands etc. The Xmas gifts.. the card for the anniversary. I know those are pursuant behaviors, but minus the Xmas episode, I thought it was something she would appreciate.
This did backfire on a few occasions: 1. After doing all the above, when she asked if I could help take down and store the Xmas stuff at her place, she said "Don't be insensitive". When I balked and said "It's yours now.. you need to keep it"
2. I have planned for over a month to take the D's to my friends house on Monday the 7th (my night anyway) to watch the OSU/LSU game. Evidently, this is the first day of their Dance classes that I was not involved in. I'm the ass for wanting to watch a "stupid f'n football game". Story of our marriage right there. If it's not important to her, it's useless and can be dismissed.
3. I believe she told the D's that the necklace THEY got her (remember, D5 picked it out for her) was too small. She has yet to wear it, but wouldn't be caught dead without the ring OM gave her.
I also believe that MIL has been a factor. I had a long conversation with her after the pool incident. Some of that conversation included how W was saying she loved me etc. MIL said that wasn't fair to me and said something to the effect of "Well.. she must not care for OM then"
Since this convo, W has showed no interest, has been to her L with MIL (she runs the show) and has questioned OM's whereabouts when I'm around W. I believe part of the issue is MIL is now paying W's L. She's of the opinion.. "Since I've been paying, you'll see it through"
One of the things I'm concerned about is the MIL will try to take D's to dance on Monday. W was very upset they weren't going and said "I'll take them and then bring them up to your friends" I told her absolutely not.. it's my night and this was planned.
I can see MIL taking them.. she does that, and I will involve L's and police.
One last question for those along side the ride... if you were to go through the big D, what are your thoughts about reconciling afterwards?
The way I've felt since the beginning is once the D is final.. there is no second chance. I'm sure that may change, but it's how I've felt this whole time. Not sure I would want to be a couple who was married, divorced, remarried, divorced again.
Jar, there is a whole board called "Divorced but not Done", so I am assuming many people continue on with feelings/emotions/DB'ing after a D. I haven't read much over there, but I would bet that most of those couples have kids together...
You hear about it. People divorcing and remarrying each other later. I just don't know. I feel, like you, D is so final. So much has changed and transpired since then, and I am sure some more hurt/betrayal (example: dance on YOUR night) has happened through the D process.
She can't even wear the necklace her OWN daughter helped pick out? Sad. So sad.
So you think instead of W allowing you to take D's to dance class, that MIL will just jump in and take them, leaving you out on your night with the girls? Will you fight this? I saw you mentioned the police/L's...
Finally told the D's about the selling of the mare. D5 was extremely upset. No blame or anything, but W and I both looked at each other. I wanted to say.. "Is he worth it?"
I owe W some money for some other dance stuff she bought yesterday.. she wanted to stop by and pick it up as well as her riding helmet and "hooker boots". I know she has plans for New Years, as she made a big deal about making sure I had the girls for New Years. "hooker boots"... that's funny. Too many jokes/comments/snide remarks.
She showed up in her riding outfit.. I assume she's going to ride the philly. She must've forgotten that she:
1. Promised to take the girls to see the mare during the break 2. Promised to take the girls out to the barn to see the philly.
