A few weeks back, when H was surprised when I mentioned that I have been 'fighting' for him all summer, I realized that maybe that part of DB wasn't working for me. While I would from time to time state I wanted our family intact, wanted him to stop his A, etc, I never once begged, pleaded, or told him I loved him no matter what. His primary complaint (I think like your H) was my neglect of him, my lack of concern for him, and maybe he is still seeing that now.
I am so happy things are slowly turning around for you, I am glad you took DB and made it work for you. I agree that DB has helped me in SO many ways. It forced me to pick myself up, change what I wanted to change and be a better parent. Not to mention that amazing support that I found on this board...WOW.
