think it's time for us to start doing things we want without them, without trying to gain rewards, showing them that we can be without them. let them see how it is. maybe that's the solution: showing independence like it was in the beginning when you and she/ my wife and i didn't know when we were going to see or speak to each other again, waiting for that phone call, being appreciated and respected. maybe showing independence will lead to them wanting us, and doing more for us. maybe then we will stop being taken advantage of, because that's what it comes down to: being taken advantage of.
Dear Crazy,
I hope you can change your attitude about this. And I am not saying this in a sarcastic tone. My heart goes out to all you couples that are going through this b/c my H and I have been there. I can tell you that the idea you just decribed will not improve your R it will only hurt it. She is not trying to take advantage of you. My H used to tell me that everything had to be "perfect" before I would have sex. He was talking about the kids, environment, etc., just as you described about your W. Women are very sensitive to everything around them. I know I was always afraid the kids would hear us b/c we lived in a small house with thin walls, so I could never relax. Men seem to be able to tune these things out.
Instead of doing what you suggested, please try to encourage your W that the two of you go to C or if she rather go by herself. Women are so complex and men often misunderstand them completely......and I know we women misread you men too. That's why we have all these problems.
I honestly believe that most W's are not trying to hurt their H's or make them do without sex to be mean or take advantage of them, etc. As I have already posted, I believe most of it is in how we were taught and raised. Then we find ourselves in so many "roles" and wearing so many "hats" and we can't handle it all. By that, I mean all the pressure affects our sex drive. A lot of women today are just plain wore out! Then there is all this blasted hormone mess to deal with. Men will never understand how that affects a woman! Whenever the hormones are out of balance, her entire physical and mental attitude is out of balance as well.
I know it doesn't make sense to the men and is not a satisfactory answer, but we women don't even know how to explain it ourselves. It is the difference between the sexes. It makes for a lot of frustration.
I don't have the answers for you, but I am hoping you will not take the road that you were thinking of doing. The closer you are, the better the R, the more distance you put between you.....the colder the R and you are opening the door for an affair either for you....or for her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
