I have problems with the accountability thing. I just don't know how to hold anyone accountable for anything. It's the same with my kids. I think this is something I really need to explore in myself. I just get confused every time I think about it...I know it's a problem for me, and I know that H and the kids all use it to their advantage.
I agree about taking things at face value. I am mostly...just had to get the thoughts out of my head. I know he gave me the diamond because he wanted to. He went to a lot of effort to pick out the perfect stone, shopped around. He's here because he wants to be. I just wish I could be 100% sure that he doesn't have a secret life going on the side. There's a consequence for ya. Why does it feel like I'm the one paying the price?
His being gone is completely under his control. It's all his hobby, stuff he wants to do. I know he's pushing hard on it right now because he wants to finish up the latest project...it just gets old, you know? There's always another project down the line.
I'm not afraid to initiate talks with him...we talk fine. I think it's more that I'm uncomfortable about the level of truthfulness and the whole accountability thing and I don't know where to go with it. It's currently a cheeseless tunnel for me because he's a brick wall. He will not admit to feelings most of the time, and when he does, things get really fuzzy for me, because his ideas of reality and mine are not exactly on the same track. So I try not to push it. I don't know if any of that makes sense...Wah, wah, wah...I think I need to go get some sleep or something!
